It took a while. It took a long while to come to terms with this overwhelming loss that I felt when Gypsy passed on. It was like I lost my sense of self, my will to move on, my ability to love like that ever again. I didn't know who I was, or how to define myself. It was the small things like not having to be at home at 4pm or having to wake up in the morning at 5am. It was the ability to be spontaneous, to travel, to stay out late or stay over at a friend's place, to call people home, to not buy eggs. It was these small things that made me feel that loss again and again, never letting go, as I smiled and agreed to watch a 10pm show, as I made impromptu plans to go to Goa, as I looked at the time (8am) on my phone and went back to sleep again.
Whenever I was asked to introduce myself, it took a couple of seconds to regroup, because Gypsy's mum was no longer the answer. I was a 'fun, spontaneous girl with no responsibilities'. Never in my life have I hated that word more.
It took a while to begin to embrace this new person I had become, the one that had the time and space to fall in love with people, celebrate and get her heart broken, the one that loved last minute plans, or canceling on them only because they require pants. I embraced it, because I finally realised that there is no "moving on" from unconditional love, there is no "moving on" from yourself.
I was happy. I had figured out how to define myself, I had figured out that I would always be Gypsy's mum and that I would always, always choose an animal over a human. In a nano-second.
I pet every dog I ever could, I made friends with the bristly, thug outside my office and called him Pinknose and I invited myself over to my best friend's house because she had dogs. It felt okay. I started to feel like I had all this love and I genuinely didn't know what to do with it. Where did it come from? What do I do with it?
I began experiencing the "ovary explosion" every time I saw a dog. It was a weird cramp that squeezed with an aching tightness no painkiller could relieve. My friends described feeling the same thing, except for them, it was babies. I still feel quite the nothing for the tiny humans.
My first visit to Second Chance - Cupa was an emotional one. Here were all these dogs, with so much love to give and in need of some love themselves. I felt a myriad of emotions I didn't expect. I felt happy because here was my version of heaven, I felt so helplessly angry because I cannot imagine the type of soulless evil that existed, I wanted to cry because I couldn't take them all and keep them happy and safe, I felt unadulterated joy when they came up to me, hope shining in their eyes, tail wagging and trusting me even though the world had really done them wrong.
It was in that minute, looking into Kushboo's big brown eyes as she sat next to me, allowing me to pet her, I promised myself that if I ever got the opportunity to be a doggie's human again, it would be one of these dogs.
I visited the shelter once a month, and more if I could. Each visit a little more emotional than the last, as I got to know the residents. I remember sitting with Scottie, a gorgeous terrier trying to picture him in my house. I remember thinking about watching movies in bed with Murphy and how he would look on my purple bedspread with his russet brown colour. I googled great danes and my heart sky-rocketed when I found out that they made great apartment dogs provided they were walked rather decently. I looked at Ross eagerly, wondering if he and I would get along. Each visit drew me closer to the idea of me and a lil four legged angel, on my purple sheets, watching Rizzoli and Isles.
I started talking to my mum about it, because there was no way I could keep a dog and balance a 15 hour work-day alone. I started telling her stories of the doggies I had met, I showed her pictures, reminisced about Gypsy, shared stories about other dogs I knew and slowly started chipping away at the giant wall. It was a 'long-con'. Completely pre-meditated and quite successful. She finally cracked saying maybe sometime next year (this was in 2015). It was happening. I knew that our birthdays were the clincher. I decided that the final step in *nudging* her in the right direction was to take her to the shelter.
My mum is a tough woman. Her life, her career, her personality have all made her so. Her biggest weakness, like mine, are soulful brown eyes that belong to furry four-legged creatures that say "love me". We went to the shelter on March 4th, 2016. One day after my 29th birthday. My mum met 'Betty' and 'Bhushan' and fell in love. It was instantaneous. I was shocked, thinking I'd have to bring her a couple more times, tell her more stories and then I'd have it in the bag. But with Bhushan jumping into her arms when Xena barked, she was a goner.
We met and spoke to Sanjana Maddappa, an animal welfare worker with CUPA, who very patiently told us about each dog while Ross, who is her little tail, added some facts that she may have missed. We were sold and we came home to plan. Lists were drawn up and a lot of shopping was done, a list of questions were made, anticipation, excitement, nervousness all kept our bellies full and our minds working. They were going to come home on March 10th, which was the following Friday.
On March 9th, Sanjana called me with news that left me speechless. Bhushan had passed away in the night. One day before going to his forever home. It was unfair and awful and hopeless. I didn't know him that well, but my eyes were glassy that cab ride home and it wasn't the glare of the sun. He was a fighter.
I called my mum and then I called Anoopa Anand (because Sanjana was not in town at that time). My mother was unsure. This had really thrown her for a loop and she didn't know what to do anymore. We were first time adopters and this had really shaken us. While my mum thought long and hard, I was even more determined to bring 'Betty' home. 'Betty' was going to be called DeeDee and she went perfectly with my purple sheets. We wanted two dogs though because they would be alone for 4-5 hours a day. They also had to be apartment sized dogs.
Anoopa then told me about 'Amrita', who is Bhushan's biological sister. She was a shy, quiet, timid little girl who often got overlooked because she never came out to socialise. We were living testament to that because we didn't know her until Anoopa told us about her. We went to the shelter on Saturday the 11th, choosing to re-group on Friday. I crossed all my fingers and all my toes, wondering what my mother would say. We had come to an agreement that we would go through with the adoption ONLY if we both wanted it a hundred percent, because otherwise, it would never have worked out. It wouldn't have been fair to the dogs, to my mum and to me.
Meeting 'Amrita' was a blessing. She was shy, quiet, the polar opposite of DeeDee. She huddled in a corner and welcomed us in her meek way, with her tail wagging. I don't think Satan would have had a chance when it came to falling in love with her and her big needy eyes. Anoopa told us a little about her, her history and personality, talked to us a about taking them and how they would react. The two got along, which was a very good thing. We pulled out our list of questions and she answered all of them in as much detail as we needed. She was patient, kind and caring, even though the shelter was facing a new crisis with a box of 6 or 7 fifteen day old puppies.
We had our decision, and we had our kids. We went home and got the house ready. Training pads, water and food bowls, toys, leashes, collars and halters.
This morning arrived at 4:30am for me. Early would be an understatement. I was beyond excited and felt like a kid on Christmas and birthdays combined. We had decided to call 'Amrita' Dolly. We finally made it to the shelter at 12:30 and it was overrun with people and volunteers. We waited patiently, secretly enjoying the time to bond with our little girls.
I filled out the adoption papers, we put the leashes on and bid adieu to the Shelter after taking pictures and making promises to visit. I was scared of what could happen in the car ride back home, if they would be okay, if they would like me, if I could be who they needed. It felt like a huge daunting step that I was taking, but I was ready. More than ready!
We came home and mum and I thought they would both find a corner and curl up. We were sure that it would be stressful and they wouldn't eat or anything. Boy, were we mistaken. It was like they came alive!
DeeDee hadn't changed, she went around exploring every nook and cranny of the house, found her ball and played till we dropped dead, exhausted. She also christened our house with pee thrice. Even though she went out twice on the same day :/
Dolly on the other hand did a 180. She blossomed, running though the house like a mad woman, so excited to see what was going on, what were these strange things and barking and growling at the birds outside. She made her voice heard when a dog in the apartment complex spoke, she wagged her tail each time I looked at her and waited patiently while I took a shower. She found her spots quickly and alternated from napping to begging for treats and attention. She also was a rockstar, choosing to pee outside and not once inside!
As I get ready for bed, I thank the universe for making this happen. I am so grateful to my mum, to who she is (crazy dog lover), to CUPA for existing and doing the amazing work that they do, to Osha (the shelter manager), Sanjana and Anoopa who played very important roles in making this happen. I wouldn't be writing this with a full, happy heart if it weren't for them.
Most of all, I am grateful to Gypsy for opening my soul to this unbelievable bond between human and dog, and to DeeDee and Dolly who have so graciously and eagerly allowed us into their lives and letting us love them and loving us in return.
For adoptions: cupaadoptionsblr@gmail.com
Visit CUPA Second Chance Shelter near Silk Board
Whenever I was asked to introduce myself, it took a couple of seconds to regroup, because Gypsy's mum was no longer the answer. I was a 'fun, spontaneous girl with no responsibilities'. Never in my life have I hated that word more.
 |
| Gypsy |
I was happy. I had figured out how to define myself, I had figured out that I would always be Gypsy's mum and that I would always, always choose an animal over a human. In a nano-second.
I pet every dog I ever could, I made friends with the bristly, thug outside my office and called him Pinknose and I invited myself over to my best friend's house because she had dogs. It felt okay. I started to feel like I had all this love and I genuinely didn't know what to do with it. Where did it come from? What do I do with it?
I began experiencing the "ovary explosion" every time I saw a dog. It was a weird cramp that squeezed with an aching tightness no painkiller could relieve. My friends described feeling the same thing, except for them, it was babies. I still feel quite the nothing for the tiny humans.
My first visit to Second Chance - Cupa was an emotional one. Here were all these dogs, with so much love to give and in need of some love themselves. I felt a myriad of emotions I didn't expect. I felt happy because here was my version of heaven, I felt so helplessly angry because I cannot imagine the type of soulless evil that existed, I wanted to cry because I couldn't take them all and keep them happy and safe, I felt unadulterated joy when they came up to me, hope shining in their eyes, tail wagging and trusting me even though the world had really done them wrong.
It was in that minute, looking into Kushboo's big brown eyes as she sat next to me, allowing me to pet her, I promised myself that if I ever got the opportunity to be a doggie's human again, it would be one of these dogs.
 |
| Kushboo |
I visited the shelter once a month, and more if I could. Each visit a little more emotional than the last, as I got to know the residents. I remember sitting with Scottie, a gorgeous terrier trying to picture him in my house. I remember thinking about watching movies in bed with Murphy and how he would look on my purple bedspread with his russet brown colour. I googled great danes and my heart sky-rocketed when I found out that they made great apartment dogs provided they were walked rather decently. I looked at Ross eagerly, wondering if he and I would get along. Each visit drew me closer to the idea of me and a lil four legged angel, on my purple sheets, watching Rizzoli and Isles.
 |
| Murphy |
I started talking to my mum about it, because there was no way I could keep a dog and balance a 15 hour work-day alone. I started telling her stories of the doggies I had met, I showed her pictures, reminisced about Gypsy, shared stories about other dogs I knew and slowly started chipping away at the giant wall. It was a 'long-con'. Completely pre-meditated and quite successful. She finally cracked saying maybe sometime next year (this was in 2015). It was happening. I knew that our birthdays were the clincher. I decided that the final step in *nudging* her in the right direction was to take her to the shelter.
My mum is a tough woman. Her life, her career, her personality have all made her so. Her biggest weakness, like mine, are soulful brown eyes that belong to furry four-legged creatures that say "love me". We went to the shelter on March 4th, 2016. One day after my 29th birthday. My mum met 'Betty' and 'Bhushan' and fell in love. It was instantaneous. I was shocked, thinking I'd have to bring her a couple more times, tell her more stories and then I'd have it in the bag. But with Bhushan jumping into her arms when Xena barked, she was a goner.
 |
| Bhushan |
We met and spoke to Sanjana Maddappa, an animal welfare worker with CUPA, who very patiently told us about each dog while Ross, who is her little tail, added some facts that she may have missed. We were sold and we came home to plan. Lists were drawn up and a lot of shopping was done, a list of questions were made, anticipation, excitement, nervousness all kept our bellies full and our minds working. They were going to come home on March 10th, which was the following Friday.
On March 9th, Sanjana called me with news that left me speechless. Bhushan had passed away in the night. One day before going to his forever home. It was unfair and awful and hopeless. I didn't know him that well, but my eyes were glassy that cab ride home and it wasn't the glare of the sun. He was a fighter.
I called my mum and then I called Anoopa Anand (because Sanjana was not in town at that time). My mother was unsure. This had really thrown her for a loop and she didn't know what to do anymore. We were first time adopters and this had really shaken us. While my mum thought long and hard, I was even more determined to bring 'Betty' home. 'Betty' was going to be called DeeDee and she went perfectly with my purple sheets. We wanted two dogs though because they would be alone for 4-5 hours a day. They also had to be apartment sized dogs.
Anoopa then told me about 'Amrita', who is Bhushan's biological sister. She was a shy, quiet, timid little girl who often got overlooked because she never came out to socialise. We were living testament to that because we didn't know her until Anoopa told us about her. We went to the shelter on Saturday the 11th, choosing to re-group on Friday. I crossed all my fingers and all my toes, wondering what my mother would say. We had come to an agreement that we would go through with the adoption ONLY if we both wanted it a hundred percent, because otherwise, it would never have worked out. It wouldn't have been fair to the dogs, to my mum and to me.
Meeting 'Amrita' was a blessing. She was shy, quiet, the polar opposite of DeeDee. She huddled in a corner and welcomed us in her meek way, with her tail wagging. I don't think Satan would have had a chance when it came to falling in love with her and her big needy eyes. Anoopa told us a little about her, her history and personality, talked to us a about taking them and how they would react. The two got along, which was a very good thing. We pulled out our list of questions and she answered all of them in as much detail as we needed. She was patient, kind and caring, even though the shelter was facing a new crisis with a box of 6 or 7 fifteen day old puppies.
We had our decision, and we had our kids. We went home and got the house ready. Training pads, water and food bowls, toys, leashes, collars and halters.
This morning arrived at 4:30am for me. Early would be an understatement. I was beyond excited and felt like a kid on Christmas and birthdays combined. We had decided to call 'Amrita' Dolly. We finally made it to the shelter at 12:30 and it was overrun with people and volunteers. We waited patiently, secretly enjoying the time to bond with our little girls.
I filled out the adoption papers, we put the leashes on and bid adieu to the Shelter after taking pictures and making promises to visit. I was scared of what could happen in the car ride back home, if they would be okay, if they would like me, if I could be who they needed. It felt like a huge daunting step that I was taking, but I was ready. More than ready!
We came home and mum and I thought they would both find a corner and curl up. We were sure that it would be stressful and they wouldn't eat or anything. Boy, were we mistaken. It was like they came alive!
DeeDee hadn't changed, she went around exploring every nook and cranny of the house, found her ball and played till we dropped dead, exhausted. She also christened our house with pee thrice. Even though she went out twice on the same day :/
Dolly on the other hand did a 180. She blossomed, running though the house like a mad woman, so excited to see what was going on, what were these strange things and barking and growling at the birds outside. She made her voice heard when a dog in the apartment complex spoke, she wagged her tail each time I looked at her and waited patiently while I took a shower. She found her spots quickly and alternated from napping to begging for treats and attention. She also was a rockstar, choosing to pee outside and not once inside!
 |
| DeeDee |
 |
| Dolly |
Most of all, I am grateful to Gypsy for opening my soul to this unbelievable bond between human and dog, and to DeeDee and Dolly who have so graciously and eagerly allowed us into their lives and letting us love them and loving us in return.
For adoptions: cupaadoptionsblr@gmail.com
Visit CUPA Second Chance Shelter near Silk Board
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