There are times in my life when I question if what I'm doing right now is okay, what my priorities are and what my end goal is. Like what am I working towards, because I'm choosing to live and not exist. My end goal is simple. Live life well enough so that I can buy a farm and rusticate with dogs. Have no regrets, never feel like I'm missing out and be financially well off so that I can truly rusticate and not have to work every now and then.
I do wonder what "live life well enough" means now that I have sorted out my end goal. Does it mean travel, does it mean to experience every moment that I'm thrown in, does it mean ambition in my career, does it mean having plenty of friends, being well read or does it mean all of these things? I feel like I'm in a weird stage in life where a lot of people's lives are changing, they're moving out of the city, getting married, having children, all of these big things, while mine seems to be at a constant.
When I look back over the last 10 years, to who I was when I was 18 and who I am now, I can see a 180 degree change in terms of my personality, my life goals, my career path, etc. I wanted to become an environmental journalist, but here I am deeply entrenched in the world of IT and Information Management! Honestly, the only two things that have remained the same are my love for animals and my love for pop-culture. The rest of it, along with my expectations have flown out the window! Which is a good thing. I really like where I am and who I've become! It has been a journey through a terrain of ups and downs to get here.
It does scare me though, to see my friends going through these big life changing experiences and I wonder if I am stagnant, if I am complacent or if I genuinely don't want those life changing experiences right now. My mother taught me to never say never, so I'm gonna say I honestly don't see myself being married or being a mother (unless it's to four legged, furry babies) right now. Does this make me not move ahead and IS that the road ahead? Relationships, children, buying houses and "settling"? Or can one move ahead, making strong friendships, experiencing the world one city at a time and finding love in the way the sun sets on a rainy day, a hug, a Friends re-run or the wag of a tail? Also, if I don't end up doing the whole marriage and children routine, should I have a high-flying, "successful" career in order to be seen as above average? Or can I just do whatever makes me happy at that point in time and be seen as above average, simply because I'm happy? Also, what if the career makes me happy, will people look at me and say oh she only achieved so much because she has no "distractions"? And please don't give me crap about not bothering about what people think, I do bother because I intend to live in a society of people and if that is the case, opinions matter.
I also worry that if I end up wanting these big life changing experiences later on, then will I regret not making them happen now... Or will I shrug my shoulders and look at it as a possibility that didn't happen and be content with whatever I have at 40? I think that it will be the latter, or at least I'm going to work towards it to be the latter with two mottos that I choose to live life by - "No regrets" and "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".
I discover things about myself as I mark every year with candles and cake, some of which I rejoice in, some that I am still coming to terms with and some that I am working towards excluding from who I am. One thing that I have learned is to take my time and to do things that I am comfortable with and not jump into things that I feel pressured into doing.
At the end of the day, I think I am dynamic, with my dogs and farm rusticating plan being my constant, my life goal.
Now the next big decision I need to take: Cotton candy or bubble gum ice cream?
Also, I kinda hate being 28, this stupid stage where I feel the need to question this stuff and hope I'm doing the right thing. Gah!
I do wonder what "live life well enough" means now that I have sorted out my end goal. Does it mean travel, does it mean to experience every moment that I'm thrown in, does it mean ambition in my career, does it mean having plenty of friends, being well read or does it mean all of these things? I feel like I'm in a weird stage in life where a lot of people's lives are changing, they're moving out of the city, getting married, having children, all of these big things, while mine seems to be at a constant.
When I look back over the last 10 years, to who I was when I was 18 and who I am now, I can see a 180 degree change in terms of my personality, my life goals, my career path, etc. I wanted to become an environmental journalist, but here I am deeply entrenched in the world of IT and Information Management! Honestly, the only two things that have remained the same are my love for animals and my love for pop-culture. The rest of it, along with my expectations have flown out the window! Which is a good thing. I really like where I am and who I've become! It has been a journey through a terrain of ups and downs to get here.
It does scare me though, to see my friends going through these big life changing experiences and I wonder if I am stagnant, if I am complacent or if I genuinely don't want those life changing experiences right now. My mother taught me to never say never, so I'm gonna say I honestly don't see myself being married or being a mother (unless it's to four legged, furry babies) right now. Does this make me not move ahead and IS that the road ahead? Relationships, children, buying houses and "settling"? Or can one move ahead, making strong friendships, experiencing the world one city at a time and finding love in the way the sun sets on a rainy day, a hug, a Friends re-run or the wag of a tail? Also, if I don't end up doing the whole marriage and children routine, should I have a high-flying, "successful" career in order to be seen as above average? Or can I just do whatever makes me happy at that point in time and be seen as above average, simply because I'm happy? Also, what if the career makes me happy, will people look at me and say oh she only achieved so much because she has no "distractions"? And please don't give me crap about not bothering about what people think, I do bother because I intend to live in a society of people and if that is the case, opinions matter.
I also worry that if I end up wanting these big life changing experiences later on, then will I regret not making them happen now... Or will I shrug my shoulders and look at it as a possibility that didn't happen and be content with whatever I have at 40? I think that it will be the latter, or at least I'm going to work towards it to be the latter with two mottos that I choose to live life by - "No regrets" and "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".
I discover things about myself as I mark every year with candles and cake, some of which I rejoice in, some that I am still coming to terms with and some that I am working towards excluding from who I am. One thing that I have learned is to take my time and to do things that I am comfortable with and not jump into things that I feel pressured into doing.
At the end of the day, I think I am dynamic, with my dogs and farm rusticating plan being my constant, my life goal.
Now the next big decision I need to take: Cotton candy or bubble gum ice cream?
Also, I kinda hate being 28, this stupid stage where I feel the need to question this stuff and hope I'm doing the right thing. Gah!
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