2015

I read a post that a friend had written about her defining moments in 2015, which got me to thinking what were mine?

1) Learning that birthdays weren't everything - I didn't have the best of birthdays this year and it hit me hard because I always hype this up to being a spectacular, amazing thing, but it's okay if it's not. It doesn't mean that I am not loved or wanted or that anything has changed if there is a bad day in a year. It's literally just the marking of time.

2) Out of sight, out of mind is NOT true - This year, I moved back in with my mum and pretty much took a massive step back from my social life. It helped me figure out who I am and who I want in my life. I am extremely grateful to where I am today and who I have in it. We may not talk everyday but I know my people and they know me!

3) Vegas! - This was definitely eye opening. After all that hype, after I've wanted to go there since I was 21, all the glitz, glamour and moviedom, I can honestly say that it is NOT my kind of place and I really would be quite glad if I never have to go back there again. I had fun, yes, but that was only, only because of the company I had!  I was also introduced to the most crowded club I have ever seen in my whole life!

5) Family - This year helped me realise how much I value my family and that I wouldn't trade it for the world. It helped me shape some life choices that I am happy about. I got the chance to hang out with my cousins and my aunt and uncle in the US and I absolutely loved it. The highlight honestly though was Ginger. I'm not gonna lie. I also moved back home and got a chance to spend actual quality time with my mum and grandparents, which I hadn't done in a really long while.

6) My grandfather - I lost the only stable male influence in my life this year. I am so grateful for his presence. He filled in a missing part so well, I cannot remember ever going to bed feeling jealous of kids who had a dad or missing one. I remember he had a mustache and I hated it. I wouldn't let him near me one day and he has been clean shaven since. He taught me to climb trees, pick shells, learn to love the outdoors and gave me my love for life in itself. He gave me my first sip of beer and watched helplessly as I flailed around trying to learn Kannada. I can truly say that I have been loved, unconditionally, no matter what I did. I will always miss him and always be thankful that I got to be raised by him!

7) My career - I finally feel like I have taken the right steps in my career this year. I am now learning, struggling but moving progressively forward and I have a plan. This plan will work with sheer determination and hard work and I am SO excited for the next year and what 2016 will bring.

This year has been more stable than the years in the past and I am super happy about that! I think it's been a great year to build a base for what I want to do, what I want from life and who I want to be. I look forward to what 2016 has to offer! Happy New Year guys! May your year be awesome!

Why I love Anne Hathaway

With her movie The Intern out, there seems to be an inundation of Anne Hathaway news, articles and interviews. A lot of them fault her for being "perfect", comparing her to Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer, who are more "cool". I honestly don't understand this. I don't understand the need to be loud, crass and curvy to be acceptable in today's society. And what is with this obsession to be "cool"?
What is wrong with being nice, happy, smart and well articulated? Just because she doesn't boast about eating three cheeseburgers before a red carpet and is a size 4 with access to very smart clothes, does that make her any less of a person? Because her humour is more PG than the ever popular R rated crudeness, doesn't mean she isn't funny.
I like that she is low-key, that she is real in the struggle and open about wanting to be her version of perfect. I mean, if we aren't striving for what we individually believe is our perfection, then are we just floating through life? I like that she is quick to smile, that she has a sense of humour that requires some brain cells and isn't slapstick all the time, that she likes keeping fit, eating healthy and looking great!
When people accuse her of losing her individuality by conforming to societal norms of perfect, I would like to ask these people about how they seem to forget the fact that Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer are so relatable and everyone is like them in some aspect of the other. Aren't they conforming to the societal norms of today where over-the-top awkward is the new normal?
Anne Hathaway seems to be doing everything right, where she lives her life, hurting no-one, minding her own business, but is slandered for not shoving fries in her face and then cracking a poop joke or two on the red carpet! Seriously, if these are the people that society "relates" to and is now aping, I'm very glad for the Anne Hathaway and Taylor Swifts of the world who give us understated girls faith that there is some place for us too!

PS: I don't have anything against Jennifer Lawrence or Amy Schumer, I just used them because the world seems to compare the three of them.

Stagnant or dynamic? The diary of a 28 year old woman

There are times in my life when I question if what I'm doing right now is okay, what my priorities are and what my end goal is. Like what am I working towards, because I'm choosing to live and not exist. My end goal is simple. Live life well enough so that I can buy a farm and rusticate with dogs. Have no regrets, never feel like I'm missing out and be financially well off so that I can truly rusticate and not have to work every now and then.

I do wonder what "live life well enough" means now that I have sorted out my end goal. Does it mean travel, does it mean to experience every moment that I'm thrown in, does it mean ambition in my career, does it mean having plenty of friends, being well read or does it mean all of these things? I feel like I'm in a weird stage in life where a lot of people's lives are changing, they're moving out of the city, getting married, having children, all of these big things, while mine seems to be at a constant.

When I look back over the last 10 years, to who I was when I was 18 and who I am now, I can see a 180 degree change in terms of my personality, my life goals, my career path, etc. I wanted to become an environmental journalist, but here I am deeply entrenched in the world of IT and Information Management! Honestly, the only two things that have remained the same are my love for animals and my love for pop-culture. The rest of it, along with my expectations have flown out the window! Which is a good thing. I really like where I am and who I've become! It has been a journey through a terrain of ups and downs to get here.

It does scare me though, to see my friends going through these big life changing experiences and I wonder if I am stagnant, if I am complacent or if I genuinely don't want those life changing experiences right now. My mother taught me to never say never, so I'm gonna say I honestly don't see myself being married or being a mother (unless it's to four legged, furry babies) right now. Does this make me not move ahead and IS that the road ahead? Relationships, children, buying houses and "settling"? Or can one move ahead, making strong friendships, experiencing the world one city at a time and finding love in the way the sun sets on a rainy day, a hug, a Friends re-run or the wag of a tail? Also, if I don't end up doing the whole marriage and children routine, should I have a high-flying, "successful" career in order to be seen as above average? Or can I just do whatever makes me happy at that point in time and be seen as above average, simply because I'm happy? Also, what if the career makes me happy, will people look at me and say oh she only achieved so much because she has no "distractions"? And please don't give me crap about not bothering about what people think, I do bother because I intend to live in a society of people and if that is the case, opinions matter.

I also worry that if I end up wanting these big life changing experiences later on, then will I regret not making them happen now... Or will I shrug my shoulders and look at it as a possibility that didn't happen and be content with whatever I have at 40? I think that it will be the latter, or at least I'm going to work towards it to be the latter with two mottos that I choose to live life by - "No regrets" and "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".

I discover things about myself as I mark every year with candles and cake, some of which I rejoice in, some that I am still coming to terms with and some that I am working towards excluding from who I am. One thing that I have learned is to take my time and to do things that I am comfortable with and not jump into things that I feel pressured into doing.

At the end of the day, I think I am dynamic, with my dogs and farm rusticating plan being my constant, my life goal.

Now the next big decision I need to take: Cotton candy or bubble gum ice cream?

Also, I kinda hate being 28, this stupid stage where I feel the need to question this stuff and hope I'm doing the right thing. Gah!

Perceptions

First impressions are important. It was almost a religious rule when I was growing up, I was literally raised to make a great first impression. I also chose to take people at my first impression of them, whether they made a good one or not. 

It's only today, navigating the corporate world, I see how important first impressions are, and how much of a difference they make. I'm so grateful to my mum who taught me not to fidget, to speak clearly, to have good table manners, to not shake my leg, to dress well, to be groomed, etc. I did rebel in the whole "I don't care what people think of me, I am like this only" way, but today I realise, whether I like it or not, whether I am an advocate for individuality or not, the society I live in is conditioned a certain way, and if I want to get ahead, I need to behave a certain way and have them perceive me a certain way.

Is it fake? Am I selling out? What happened to that girl who was the don't-care-master? Well, she grew up, became more practical and realised that if her dreams were to be accomplished, there has to be compromise. People don't get to where they are by breaking the rules. If they do, then they are the exception and we all cannot be exceptions.

Recently in a "dating situation", I realised how much I was judging the other person by their behaviour, by what they said, if their elbows were on the table, if they shook their leg constantly, how they were groomed and it was funny because I am pretty sure that I am constantly being judged by the same things.

The tricky thing is how do you follow society's norms but retain your individuality? Who decides what is the appropriate etiquette in what situation and how is this decided? Do you also judge people on first meeting or do you give them multiple chances to make up their mind? 

As much as I would like to say that i don't judge and I'm completely open minded, I know that I cannot. While I feel like I am being more tolerant, learning now to give people second chances, I am also pretty sure I come across as judgy. I guess, the only way that I feel that I am not a hypocrite is that if I judge you and make up my mind about you in the first meeting, then you are free to do the same. Maybe people say I lack individuality and I am not experimental enough and I have become a corporate drone. Like if you have weird visible tattoos in a business meeting, I will be hesitant to take you seriously, even though I have tattoos myself. Maybe that is hypocritical, but I truly believe that there is a time and place for everything. I guess, right now, at 27, me career is everything I want to invest in, grow and develop!

I love that rush that approval gets me, a good rating, a promotion, an award, an email commending me on my work. I love networking and later seeing opportunities come from that networking. There are some things I will not compromise upon, but there are some things that I will happily do so. Not wear a butterfly clip in a business meeting is something I can easily do. If that is giving up my individuality, then so be it. I can be the eccentric Director, after I grow to that position. Till then, you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess. 

I love jumping up and dancing in my own house, or on the road, or in a mall, but not in my office, because these people and their perceptions have an impact on my life. Even if I am the best at what I do, if the people who are decision makers in my career have a bad impression of me, I know I can kiss that job/project/role goodbye. 

It's fun to see my ideals shift, priorities shift and personality mature. I love reading my earlier diaries and looking back at the person that I was, and who I am now and what has shaped me into being this way. I wish I could jump ahead 10 years and see who I will be then and what my priorities are and read this blog and either say how right I am or how wrong I am!