Monday, December 19, 2011

2011 - the year of change and acceptance

It's that time of the year, about ten days till the new one begins, where you look back at what exactly this year has been. How you've changed (if you have), major events, the people, the places and everything else. This year has been like no other. I learned of love and loss for the first time. I learned of weakness and of strength, I learned definition and classification and planning.

For the first time, this year has been a year of uncertainty, where I'm just not sure and I absolutely hated it. I like knowing, and this unknown thing does not excite me, there is no adrenalin rush and there is no love for it. It's been this way right since January, when the SNAP results were announced. Since then, it's been a road of choices, and they were hard choices.

Big decisions - I decided to take the final step that would define my future. Doing an MBA in Communications. This is going to pave the road of my career and there's no turning back. This was huge in my book, because it's not just another thing that people do, it's something that you decide for the rest of your life. There is no room for mistakes and I needed to be absolutely sure, and I am. I'm happy that I took the decision, I'm happy that I know what I want and that my future is not a list of maybes or what ifs.

A turning point this year, I lost my soulmate. This is probably the hardest thing I will ever have to go through. I believe that a soulmate doesn't necessarily have to be of the same species. It's just two souls bound by this thing that cannot be defined. It's been ten years of intense love, something unconditional, that I didn't know I was capable of. I lost my best friend, my rock, my strength and a part of my soul on November 25th, 2011. It is decidedly the worst day of my life. What I gained from it, is the knowledge that though we are not physically in the same place, though I cant hug her or hear her, I know that she is with me, because who I am today is who she made me. Gypsy will ALWAYS be a part of me and she'll always have a part of me with her and I believe, with everything that I am, that we'll meet again.

On a personal level, I grew leaps and bounds. I learned a LOT about myself, some things I liked and some I didn't. Some things I'm going to embrace, some I hope to shed real fast. I exercise now. Regularly. It's an odd concept for me to understand, because I truly loathed it for the longest time. I guess it's like till you get up that hill, you hate it, but once there, the view is fantastic and you never want to leave. Believe me, the view is fantastic.

It's my first time in a co-ed school after like 9 years. Somethings have changed, and somethings haven't. I got roommates this year. I've never had to share a room before so this concept is alien and it's very educational! I am learning two languages (perish the thought!) and I saw a Wonder of the World for the first time! Going to north India was a massive culture shock to me, it showed me that though it is all one country, how massively diverse India is. It's positively insane! I made some fantastic new friends and caught up with a whole bunch of old ones (thank you Facebook). I learned to value my family and I'm still learning to live out of one closet (le sigh!).

So many things have changed this year, my life has literally been turned upside down, I've accepted and loved so many things about myself and have absolutely hated some others (which I'm in the process of eliminating). I unfortunately picked up the tick of shaking my leg when I'm bored or restless, which is so ugly. I'm definitely working towards shedding that! Relationships with various people have changed and taken on new forms. There are times when I just want to go back, before anything changed and before this year began, but a part of me looks at how much upheaval has happened this year and I can't wait for 2012 to begin, so that I can begin again.

2011, you have been a year that I have absolutely struggled with. I have grown and changed this year, more than any other year. 2012, I look forward to you now. Next year will be a year of change again, but this time, change on my terms.