My unexpected Theatre of Note marathon performance!

So, it's been a little while since I've had any klutzy event, so I decided to regale you all with my epic LA adventure! This was literally on my last night in LA and lets just say that The Theatre of Note Marathon was treated to an unexpected stunt performance by Romy Skye. It was truly a treat for the eyes.

Let me remind you all that this is the stage that KIRSTEN VANGSNESS performed on. That I performed on, because lets face it, every one of my adventures is a performance on it's own. This just happened to be on a famous stage, with famous people. Yeah.

We had gone outside to watch the awesome fire eaters and we all trickled back. I waited for a bit till most people were inside because I didn't want to trip on them! Imagine the mortification of wiping out in front of Kirsten Vangsness and her friends right? Right. I didn't have to really imagine it. I just lived it in stead.

I made my way across the stage and saw Ella sitting there next to our stuff and I wanted to grab some money to get something to eat and drink. Except, I was so focused on the chair and my bag, that I didn't see the GIANT speaker nailed to the ground. And when I mean giant, I mean GINORMOUS! The thing came up to my knee and was a sold two feet wide, black thing. I walked right into it and WIPED OUT on stage.

I FELL DOWN, on a STAGE, that I WASN'T performing on in another country! Now really, only I can do that! One of Kirsten's very kind friends came forward to help me up, looking quite worried, because it was really, quite a spectacular fall. I just grinned tightly at her, smiled and said "Oh I'm fine!" to her and ran to the seat. I stayed still for 5 minutes, telling everyone how fine I was and then looked at Ella and said "OWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

We hiked up my pants and there was a gash on my shin. More than that, the corner of the speaker had nicely dug into my shin bone which hurt like hell! It was also bleeding, and if you know me, you'll know that I didn't even look to see how much and that I fought hard not to faint! I got me a band aid and Ella was kind enough to put it on me.

Then I went back to ignoring my pain because the lovely Kirsten came on and then the horror of all horrors, that yucky, no good, puke worthy ventriloquist act came on and I was too distracted trying to keep my sandwich in my stomach after!!

It was a night I'll never forget and I have a scar from my little gash! It was fantastic!

PS: The speaker worked after which was awesome! Thank you Universe!

Some more things that make me..... me.

So the other day, I decided to eat a bon-bon sweet. Well, at least that's what I call them . It's hard candy, it's round and kinda big. This was cola flavoured and since I was craving Coke, it worked out very well. You will never, ever, not in your wildest dreams guess what happened. Did you guess that I eventually finished the sweet without any mishap? HA! Are you wrong! I choked on the thing! It lodged in my throat and I couldn't swallow! You can still breathe painfully when you're choking, but you cannot see on account of all the tears. Anyway, this has happened to me as a child (it was a strawberry bon-bon then), so I knew what to do. I went to the microwave, heat up water and very, very painfully swallowed, so that it would melt the sweet and I could swallow it. It took forty-freaking-five minutes. Anyway, that was finally done. You'd think one choking incident would be enough for months together wouldn't you? Yeah so would I. But I don't have that kind of luck.

I was running late for work one day (as usual) you see, and I live on the fifth floor of an apartment. I usually take the stairs up and down, as exercise, but I decided to take the elevator that day. When the elevator came up, I remembered that I had forgotten my phone(which I cannot live without. I'm a total phone addict) at home, so I rushed back to my door, opened it, grabbed my phone and ran back, thinking that the elevator door would still be open. No such luck. I figured this out by running into the elevator and scaring the crap out of my neighbour who had gotten in, in the meantime. Ah! I now AVOID him. I need to pretend that I have some dignity left, though I don't see that happening since I'm sharing this with you guys, but oh well.

Oh oh oh!!! I got my ears pierced again!!! It doesn't hurt now which is a total WIN! And no pigeons have come home! Though my nails seem to be a permanent shade of blue, which is not polish! I really do not like the AC. I cannot wait for summer to get here! Anyway, hope I've given y'all some laughs!

Ten things that you do to cause you pain and embarrassment.

1) Push your roley chair too far back so that when you sit, you end up sitting on the floor. This - while you are on the phone with your boss. It's entertainment for the rest of the office.

2) Walk on the elevated footpath, with a gutter next to you and think to yourself "I must avoid the gutter" and then walk off the footpath unconsciously (because you are walking away from the gutter) and end up on the ground in a heap of limbs. Yoga helps when you untangle yourself.

3) Walk into so many table corners, that they now fit perfectly into your hip. Like your body made the space for the table corner. It's a medical marvel I tell you.

4) Choose to subdue hiccups with coke, swallow it while hiccupping and have it gush out your nose. Classy I say. Boys will be lining up outside your door. If done at work, you will be the most popular person there.

5) Convince your half asleep self, that there is room on the other side and turn - off the bed. Then, be too sleepy to get back up, so sleep on the stone floor and crib about aches, cricks and bruises the next morning. Always a crowd pleaser.

6) Walk into a wall. This, especially done when not texting, not on the phone, not talking to anyone else, basically giving the wall your undivided attention, is always guaranteed to cause the most amount of embarrassment. But be aware that this must not be done on purpose.

7) Pick up a sleeping hamster. Make sure that the said hamster is fast asleep, wake it up, then put your hand in the cage to agitate it some more. Then when the hamster is clinging on to the pad of your hand, shake the hand violently so that the puncture wound rips further. Then be puzzled as to why your hamster bit you and why it's bleeding so much. Oh yes, one must not forget to faint and hit your very bony joints hard on the floor.

8) Trip. While walking, make sure you choose the uneven bit of the concrete ground, carry your 14 kilo dog and then tip forward. When falling, avoid injuring the dog by falling on your elbows. This will make sure that the dog escapes unharmed, but will leave you with bloody, bruised elbows. Movies must be made of this techniques. I do not volunteer.

9) In a bus, sit on a seat that has no handles on either side, almost like a cushioned stool nailed to the floor. Then be so focused on your Ipod that you do not notice the bus's movements on the road. When the bus breaks, follow Newton's first Law of Motion and fall on the floor. Then laugh so loud at yourself that your neighbour asks another person if you're mentally retarded. And is serious.

10) Now the last point - When talking to a cow, be sure to look it straight in the eye and smile. This will make the cow chase you and tell all the other cows about you so that they too will chase you upon sight. If you are not fast enough running away, make sure you have padding on your back because you will be butt.

All these methods have been tried and tested. But make sure you understand the repercussions and the ramifications of the above actions.

Note: No animals were harmed in the activities mentioned above.

Good Girls Go Bad

Do you good people have hamsters? If you do, then you'll know that those things have real sharp teeth! I wanted to clean out my hamster (Addison Lorelai) cage, so I attempted to pick her up. I did pick her up, but not the way I planned. See, she bit into the pad of my hand (the ones at the base of your fingers)and proceeded to cling on when I drew my had away! Bloody hell that hurt! I was literally trying to shake off a hamster clinging onto my hand with her teeth!!!! Doofus puncture wound wouldn't stop bleeding and I promptly fainted at the sight of my gushing blood. What's new there huh? This was a while ago, but I am telling you now. Oh well.

The other supremely funny thing that happened was that I got into work about 15 minutes early the other day. Now I sit in this enclosure with a door. This door is usually open and I didn't even know they locked it. I found out they did. How? Well, It's one of those automatically shutting doors so you have to use force to shove it open. I am small, so I pretty much have to use most of my energy to push it open. Guess who shoved herself into the door trying to get it open on that early morning? The security guy was laughing when he unlocked it for me! Embarassment much? It didn't hurt as much as the wall though.

Another thing I remembered was that when you use public transport, you end up having to run after busses quite a bit. When you do so, you scream things like "Stop!" or "Wait!". No, no. When I run after a bus I scream "Excuse me! Excuse me!". I realised I was doing this after the first time this happened, and I smacked myself on the head thinking how stupid I was. The next time it happened, I'll give you 3 guesses to guess what I screamed. Yeah. Excuse me.

Ringtones are another issue for me. You all have heard "Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester yes? Well, that is my ringtone. Now, it's a workday. I am my desk, typing away, and all is quiet. Now my phone goes off, "I make them good girls go bad" and I answer "Hey mom! What's up?". Let's just say my colleagues had a real good laugh!

In other news, I saw the new Parenthood promo with Lauren Graham! It's so kick ass!!! I love it! She literally growls and charges at her daughter when she says "Oh her bark is worse than her bite" Love it!!!! Now if only she'd join Twitter like all the other good celebs!

Just me. Only me.

So, incase you guys don't know, it's a 2 hour journey from work to home every evening. Now there is a traffic signal at my dog's vet which provides for entertaining animal sights. If you are indian, you will know what an Auto is, if you're not, google it. There was this guy who was trying to force his dog, a great dane, into an auto. The funniest thing is that after he finally coaxed his dog to get in, and he got in, the dog jumped out from the other side and he was forced to run after his dog screaming! LOL!

Another thing that happened is that I fell over the plant at work only twice this week! This is a huge reduction from my usual, but I do think my knee has had it with me. It hurts! :(

Also, I woke up this morning to find money under my pillow when I reached to turn off my alarm on my phone. I got so excited and checked my teeth to see which tooth had fallen off! I mean, the tooth fairy left me money right??? It was only when my brain actually woke up, I remembered putting the change from my pyjama pockets under my pillow before falling asleep! Also that I was 22, and if my eeth were falling out, there was would be something wrong with me. aah! Early mornings are the best time!

OMG! My phone ring tone is the song "Good Girls Go Bad" and I was listening to the radio with my earphones (on my phone) and the song came up. I just tried to answer my phone, not understanding why even though I'm "answering" it's not ringing for a good 15 seconds. One must not function on no sleep.

Why no sleep you ask? Well, it is apparently a bad idea for you to eat a triple layered fudge cake at 10pm. It keeps you up. All that sugar.

Oh on the bright side, i set up SMS alerts for Kate walsh's tweets so I get texts from Kate Walsh! Woot!

My life ladies and gentlemen. My life!

Things just seem to happen to me.

So, one good thing that's come about from my dog having boys in her life and making me take brisk hour long walks is that I have great legs! Whoop! A lot of people know me as a klutz. It's such a given, that I'm introduced as "This is Romy. She is a klutz." You accept it and move on. It's when you start hanging with new people that this character trait becomes glaringly obvious. I have no spatial judgement. I cannot walk in a straight line and more often than not I will walk into the person walking next to me. Another thing that goes on in my head is me spotting a stone a way ahead. Me telling myself "Oh look. Stone." Me walking further and forgetting where the stone was/is till I trip on it and then go "Oh there it is!"

Another super funny thing happened yesterday. It has happened to cartoons, to Mr. Bean on occasion and apparently to Kate Walsh, Jessica Alba and me. It's the walking into a wall thing. Going smack into a solid, big, cream coloured, opaque brick wall. Walking into glass doors have been done by many, but how many of you walk by the same brick wall for 10 months before walking into it? No one? I figured.

Even the staff at work have noticed this particular trait of mine. The guy at the door asks me to watch my step outside, the inside guy tells me if the door is open or closed, though they are wood and glass doors. There were some pretty potted plants on my floor. After I fell over them a few times, they aren't there anymore. They have been put inside closed doors.

It's like these things happen only to me. Really. Spilt food? Check. Fallen down the stairs? Check. Walked into walls - glass or otherwise? Check. Been chased by cows? Check. Been chased by dogs? Check. Fallen off a horse while climbing on it? Check. Been caught dancing at your desk at work? Check. Singing? Check. Gotten locked in the bathroom? Check. Been stuck up a tree? Check.

Need I go on?