Cows, Chillis and cows again!

I dunno why it's so pixelated :( I tried uploading it thrice!!! Stupid YouTube! I apologise!

Cows, dog tricks and street food!

One of those mornings - times a thousand!

This morning can clearly be described as one of those mornings where *everything* goes wrong!

My morning routine was messed up because I let Gyp sleep in. She was on my bed and was fast asleep and I just didn't have the heart to wake her up for our walk. I decided that I'd get ready for work and then take her. We went for a slightly longer walk and I had to pretty much rush out. I put her breakfast in her bowl, kept fresh water, grabbed my bag and ran out the door.

There was no power, so I raced down the stairs. I live on the fifth floor of an apartment building. As I ran down the stairs, I felt something digging into me in my pocket. When I reached the lobby, I found some money folded inside my pocket. I opened my bag to put the cash into my wallet, only to realise that I had left my wallet behind! I raced back up, to get my wallet and then ran back down the stairs. While I was getting out of the building, I realised I was wearing shoes that I walk Gypsy in!!! Not meant for office wear. I had to run back up and put on my shoes. Then I raced back down, by this time quite tired!

I made it to the bus stop and caught the bus. It was empty and I scored a seat that makes you face the rest of the bus! A couple of stops later, a cute guy walks in and sits some rows away, but we can see each other because his seat is elevated. I'm smiling and he's smiling and it's all going well. Then, a guy who is totally not my type sits next to him and the next time I smile at cute boy, he thinks I'm smiling at him and grins back! EW! I was like, no freaking way, in my head. I then just put my head down and didn't look up at cute guy or not so cute guy.

The lady sitting opposite me got off a few stops later and then, to my horror, not so cute guy comes and sits in her seat!!!!! Ack! Now while I'm panicking, I am running what a horrid morning this has been, when I realise I didn't put any make-up on!!! I totally forgot to put my trademark eye-liner!!! It just feels weird without it. Kinda like forgetting your cell phone.

Then, when Vishwa and I went for our walk, we almost got chased by a cow and we saw a bull with one ginormous testicle! It was the funniest sight ever! I forgot my camera so I couldn't vlog this or take pictures! Will always take my camera when I step out from now on. Lesson well learnt!

Also, while walking into work this morning, our access turnstile whacked me on my behind as I moved it! It's looks like this -

That thing you tell yourself not to do.

You know how there are some things you tell your self not to do, but then do it anyway? I'm not talking about some major life changing decision, but about the little things. Let's take me for an example.

Today, I had a craving to eat McAlooTikki from McDonalds. I don't know why, but when I passed the McDonalds on the way to work at 8:45am this morning, I had this sudden urge. I wanted to get off and wait till it opened and get the burger. I shook my head, hung on till 1pm and decided to get it. Now I need to take the bus to get to mcDonalds. So I went to the bus stop and stood on the curb. I was standing close to the curb, because when it isn't rush hour, the bus doesn't really hang around till you amble into the bus.

As I saw the bus approaching, I reminded myself that I was close to the curb and that I mustn't fall off. Now I should have realised that once I reminded myself not to, it was going to happen. Sure enough, the bus came to a stop and I went crashing into the side, because my foot sliped off the curb! Luckily there were only about 20 people on the bus who laughed at me. This was only because there were 20 people on the bus. I shook my head and went in.

Has this ever happened to you? There has been a time when I've been walking on a footpath (which is elevated) that is next to a gutter type thing. I've told myself that I must not walk into the gutter and promptly fallen off the footpath because I simply walked away from the gutter, not realisng that the footpath is only 5 feet wide! (I think I may have mentioned this earlier)

Or, while walking, you see cow poop a bit ahead and go "Oh cow poop! I must not step in it" and then forget and step right in it when you approach it! The same principle is applied with a rock and tripping over it!

It also works when I'm carrying something and someone else says, "don't drop it" I'll drop it. Or if someone (by that I mean my grandmother!) says "Don't fall down the stairs, go slowly", guess who's at the end of the stairs with a very painful bottom?

Please tell me this happens to you guys too and I'm not the only person who's wires are mostly crossed in the head?

My animal grudges!

1) COWS - They have conspired to hate me. I have been chased, butt, peed on, stepped in their poop and have been held hostage behind a car for 10 minutes! It all started when I was 12 and brushed a cow while volunteering at an animal shelter. Good deed gone bad? Bitches the lot of them are. Oh yeah, butting a car that I was in is uncool also.

2) Cats - The way they rub against you is frankly creeptacular! And you cannot predict their emotions. Once scratched, ever shy. Kittens are cute though!

2) Hamsters - Cute as hell, love them except when they cling to the pad of my hand with their teeth. I'd rather they perform their acrobatics elsewhere. Preferably where I wont bleed.

4) Pigeons - They are filthy rats with wings. I do not appreciate their shedding, their coming into my room and pooping all over the place, their incessant cooing or the allergies I have! Ugly lil shits! become extinct!

5) Elephants - I dislike the fact that you let a lady get on you without any qualms and put up a fuss when I tried to get on. I was 1/52389705818034612785th her weight! I also don't appreciate the fact that your baby, who was taller than I was, chased me round the paddock into the bloody jungle where I was scratched.

6) Chicken (hens) - They chased me when I was 2 months old and was in a pram!!! What the hell did I do to them??? And over the years have clucked at me viciously every time I passed by! I don't even eat them!

7) Geese - So did not like them damaging my luggage when I walked by them at a resort. Hie! That is mine! Go find something else to attack!

That's about it for now... I'll add to this list as and when things occur to me. And there will be more!

Birthdays!

Until now, I have always looked forward to my birthday, adding that extra candle on my cake, hopefully not getting carded at the movies (what the hell, I'm waay over 18!) and the presents. It starts on January 3rd, the countdown leading up to March 3rd, which is the big day. I plan everything in advance, let people know to block a particular day around that day and go crazy with anticipation.

This year, I turn the magic number of 23. It's not exciting at all!!! Nothing big about turning 23. At 22, you've just graduated college, you are officially a contributing member of society, it's a fun age to be! Everyone says "Oh! I wish I were 22." Clearly good things happen. I got on Twitter, made a whole host of very nice friends, "talked" to Kate Walsh (She tweeted a couple times) and Amy Brenneman (more than a couple times), Spent New Year with Jasmin and Summer (quiet, but fun), modelled, acted and generally had a blast. There were downs like me not being able to go to NYC to see Lauren Graham on Broadway (I really really wanted to go), literally not stepping out of the city and something that is on my mind, my birthday party being a bust cause a lot of people very unkindly didn't show up, and told me they weren't coming after I called them to find out where they were. (Yeah, I'm holding a grudge cause that is just really, really mean).

This year, I am not really planning much for my birthday, just a dinner with my family and best friend. However, the 23rd year of my life seems quite promising. I have learnt to wear heels, which I will wear on Wednesday, Jasmin (my German penfriend) is coming to visit me and we are going to have SO much fun, I will be going to NYC, LA and SF this year, Parenthood (the series with LG), Matthew Gray Gubler's directorial debut on Criminal Minds (both on my birthday!!) and just chilling out. I am really looking forward to this year, except the turning 23 bit. That is a real downer.

I was going to not do anything at all and generally sulk through my birthday, but I am happy that I was born, I love the life that I live and the people in it, I adore my doggie and I must say I could do a LOOOOOOTTT worse. So, I am not going to sulk, but I'm going to be happy and celebrate the small things in life.

Now that you have gotten through my rambling, here are the funny things that happened. I was going in an auto-rickshaw (google it) with Gyp and as we were going round a big circle, the auto went real close to a cow. Yes a cow. It was flicking off flies with it's tail and essentially wagging it for lack of a better word. Gyp was leaning out, her head out of the auto's side and suddenly she got whacked on the face by the cow's tail!!! She was stunned! She froze for a Milli-second before rushing back inside the auto and then sniffing the entire auto for the smell (of the cow)! It was so funny! I feel bad for her, but I cannot stop laughing.

That's it for now. I'll be back with a birthday update.

PS: Happy Birthday Alina!!! <3

An animal life

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had adventures with animals. They are a part of my life. The first animal encounter I can remember is me and a dead rat. I do understand that this sounds quite weird and disgusting, but it's true. We, my maternal grandparents, my mum and me, lived in an old house in Shankarapuram, in south Bangalore. It had a big garden with a Litchi tree and lots of "wild"life. It was in this garden that, while playing with the neighbours, that I discovered the rat. Let's call him Rattie shall we? Now Rattie was lying in the mud waiting to decompose, as all dead creatures do, when I picked him up. I must have been about three years old, as I was physically big enough to hold him, yet young enough to not understand the concept of death. I must have thought he was asleep or something.

I could never catch a squirrel or any other small animal, so this was a major achievement for me. I took Rattie to meet my grandmother, like I would any friend I had made, and I remember her horrified shriek. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she was screaming. As far as I knew, she was pretty fond of animals herself, so I must have been confused. I don't know how, but somehow Rattie went away to a place I cannot remember, probably the dustbin down the road. My hands were washed till they were a bright red colour and I suddenly became a Red Indian in the literal sense.

Today, thinking back, knowing what I know, I shudder to think of all the diseases I may have caught, the ants, the smell of the decomposing body, the fleas and ticks that may have been on the rat and everything else that makes you run to the loo and empty the contents of your stomach.

Maybe as a child, I was forgiving of the smell and the various insects. As for the diseases, I was thankfully ignorant. I have been told that my life has revolved around animals even before the Rattie fiasco. I would apparently yell, as a baby, when I heard the jingle of the bullock cart as it went down the street, and quiet down only when I saw those majestic animals – the oxen. My first animal attack though was from chicken apparently (if you know me, you’d have guessed a cow). Those infernal birds, for some strange reason, took offense to my grandfather and me walking down the road. I was in the pram and it was my poor grandfather who had to fight off the nasty squawking, pecking birds and save me. I think that is quite heroic. If I had to choose between my legs and a baby, I sure as heck would choose my legs!

Spring at my grandmother's house was always greeted with the arrival of the monkeys. They would go straight for the Litchi tree (taking away all the yummy fruit) and this resulted in my grandmother and me yelling at them while running a stick on the veranda grill, making as much noise as possible. As you can imagine, to a child of five or six, this was good fun! Even to a young woman of 23, this is good fun, I must say. I would secretly pray that the monkeys would come, even though I knew this would upset my grandmother.

Because our house was an old one, it retained the charm of having many lofts. These lofts were often next to windows, which could only mean squirrels. I would do my best to not alert anyone of the squirrels nesting, until it was too late. This would upset my family, I knew not why, but they would not move the nest if there were already babies in it. Today, looking back, I get where my family was coming from, because a nest meant things like cockroaches and all kinds of other insects, not to mention the fleas and ticks.

When I was about seven, I think my mother realised, that no matter what she did or how hard she tried to keep me away from all the stray animals, she would fail. She then got me my first pets. I had a pair of love birds. I cannot for the life of me remember what they were called, so for now, let us name them what I would call them if I had them now - Addison and Kevin. This was a great source of joy and entertainment to me. They were green and blue.

Unfortunately, the neighbourhood cat learned of these birds and decided to try to make a meal out of them. If you've seen old houses in Bangalore, you will know that there isn't really a peephole at the door, but a sort of slit in the wall next to the door. This slit was big enough for the cat to jump in and out. After catching the cat near the screeching birds a few times, my mum came up with a solution. We put an empty tin can in the slit, so that the cat would knock it over when it came in. This worked for a while, until I came home to find one of the birds dead. We released the other bird into the wild and I said bye-bye to pets for a few years.

Ten things that you do to cause you pain and embarrassment.

1) Push your roley chair too far back so that when you sit, you end up sitting on the floor. This - while you are on the phone with your boss. It's entertainment for the rest of the office.

2) Walk on the elevated footpath, with a gutter next to you and think to yourself "I must avoid the gutter" and then walk off the footpath unconsciously (because you are walking away from the gutter) and end up on the ground in a heap of limbs. Yoga helps when you untangle yourself.

3) Walk into so many table corners, that they now fit perfectly into your hip. Like your body made the space for the table corner. It's a medical marvel I tell you.

4) Choose to subdue hiccups with coke, swallow it while hiccupping and have it gush out your nose. Classy I say. Boys will be lining up outside your door. If done at work, you will be the most popular person there.

5) Convince your half asleep self, that there is room on the other side and turn - off the bed. Then, be too sleepy to get back up, so sleep on the stone floor and crib about aches, cricks and bruises the next morning. Always a crowd pleaser.

6) Walk into a wall. This, especially done when not texting, not on the phone, not talking to anyone else, basically giving the wall your undivided attention, is always guaranteed to cause the most amount of embarrassment. But be aware that this must not be done on purpose.

7) Pick up a sleeping hamster. Make sure that the said hamster is fast asleep, wake it up, then put your hand in the cage to agitate it some more. Then when the hamster is clinging on to the pad of your hand, shake the hand violently so that the puncture wound rips further. Then be puzzled as to why your hamster bit you and why it's bleeding so much. Oh yes, one must not forget to faint and hit your very bony joints hard on the floor.

8) Trip. While walking, make sure you choose the uneven bit of the concrete ground, carry your 14 kilo dog and then tip forward. When falling, avoid injuring the dog by falling on your elbows. This will make sure that the dog escapes unharmed, but will leave you with bloody, bruised elbows. Movies must be made of this techniques. I do not volunteer.

9) In a bus, sit on a seat that has no handles on either side, almost like a cushioned stool nailed to the floor. Then be so focused on your Ipod that you do not notice the bus's movements on the road. When the bus breaks, follow Newton's first Law of Motion and fall on the floor. Then laugh so loud at yourself that your neighbour asks another person if you're mentally retarded. And is serious.

10) Now the last point - When talking to a cow, be sure to look it straight in the eye and smile. This will make the cow chase you and tell all the other cows about you so that they too will chase you upon sight. If you are not fast enough running away, make sure you have padding on your back because you will be butt.

All these methods have been tried and tested. But make sure you understand the repercussions and the ramifications of the above actions.

Note: No animals were harmed in the activities mentioned above.

People have adventures, I have them cowventures.

So, here's a piece of advice - Do not take pictures of cows. Especially of the do not like you. They will chase you across the street. I wanted to take a nice picture of a cow scratching it's ear, but apparently it had other ideas. Suddenly it's ear wasn't so itchy.

So, for the past 10 days, I've been eating one bag of potato chips a day. I think it's safe to say that I am indeed addicted to this stuff. Oh well. We'll just put it on the list. I have some things that annoy me to no end. One thing that I feel so mad about is people telling me that I either have an eating disorder (read anorexia/bulemia) or that I look like a person who has one. I'm going to say a few things. When telling me I look anorexic, do not pronounce it anoreCZic. Learn how to pronounce it first! Have any of you ever seen an anorexic person? S/he is not skinny. They are gaunt, literally skin and bones and unhealthy, like diseased. Now, do I compare you to a oozing pustule? No. I do not. So why are you comparing me to something equally disgusting? I'm skinny. Deal with it!

My next New Year resolution. Anyone who says crap about me being skinny, get ready for some very rude comebacks. I have a LOT of them. They have been repressed far too long. I really don't get how it's okay for a person to go "Oh my gosh you are so skinny" while it's considered beyond rude to say "Oh my gosh you are so fat" Why? We are still commenting on body size. I think I shall do that from now. When someone says "Why are you so skinny?" I will say "Because you are so fat. The universe needs balance."

Now I am done with my rant. Thank you for reading. Do comment. I enjoy reading them. Your comments that is. In case I wasn't clear. :D

Welcome

Someone once said to me “You are 22 years old! You have no worries! Go live your life!” I sat and thought back. Yes, I’ll admit I don’t have a mortgage or any loan I need to pay off, big bills to pay, a marriage or some other adult-y thing. But, I will also admit I have my 22 year old worries! I have stuff I need to do.

Now I write this blog as a sort of diary of my life now. I had a blog, which was well used in my school and college days. This is a little grown-up but, at the same time, it’s me, which makes it not grown-up in the classical sense either. I don’t know if I’m making any sense at all but whatever.

Here is what’s going on with me. Lets start of with today, September 10th, 2009. It is my baby’s eighth birthday! She is my heart and soul and I am sooooo happy to be her mommy (mother sounds too serious). I watched her since she was a baby, staying up all night, cleaning up after her, making sure she knows her manners and going to high school the next day. Man, I’m glad I’m beyond those days of being woken up in class! Plus making cerelac is not exactly how I pictured my evenings at 14.

To those who don’t know me and are having palpitations at a girl being a mother at 14, my baby is a dog. But we don’t call her that because it’s demeaning. She is my baby in every sense except, we don’t share the same genes. Whatever. Her name is Gypsy. I named her thus because my mum and I move a lot. We haven’t stayed in a house for more than 3 years tops. So Gypsy is definitely a Gypsy.

Other than her, I am an animal lover times 10, addicted to junk food, candy and coca cola. Every person’s nightmare I’ll guess. I have a huge advantage where I’ve got a super high BMR which makes it almost necessary for me to stuff myself with cheese. If it is on top of a pizza or melted and drizzled on Fries, then so be it. I am a vegetarian but not a vegan. I cannot live like that! It’s insane! Kudos to those who manage it! Plus it’s kinda hard to be vegan living in India.

There are 3 things in this world I’m petrified of. Bees, cows and water. I’ve never been stung by a bee, but they just freak me out, almost drowned a couple of times and there is something about breathing water that is unappealing and the cows and I go waaaaaayyy back. Lets just say – I’ve been butt, peed on, stepped on, chased by and held hostage behind cars by cows. It’s because of them I totally believe in conspiracy theories.

This month, I make my big stage debut. As a secretary. It’s a small part, but I would not have wanted anything else honestly. It all happens on the 29th at a supper theatre. Eek is all I can say. I love writing and right now, I write fanfics. For Gilmore Girls. Oh, if you met my family, you’d see that we are the live version of Gilmore Girls and thus I relate to that show like nothing else. I also have a day-job. A fancy corporate day-job with my title being Knowledge Content Analyst. You don’t get fancier than that.

I want to get into the entertainment industry as a writer, so I am exploring the how’s and options. I also will be writing about my journey there and my life in India living with my mother, my baby and not too far from the grand parents. Stay tuned.

Also, if I don’t update soon, please feel free to assume that I have been killed by a cow