Ten things that you do to cause you pain and embarrassment.

1) Push your roley chair too far back so that when you sit, you end up sitting on the floor. This - while you are on the phone with your boss. It's entertainment for the rest of the office.

2) Walk on the elevated footpath, with a gutter next to you and think to yourself "I must avoid the gutter" and then walk off the footpath unconsciously (because you are walking away from the gutter) and end up on the ground in a heap of limbs. Yoga helps when you untangle yourself.

3) Walk into so many table corners, that they now fit perfectly into your hip. Like your body made the space for the table corner. It's a medical marvel I tell you.

4) Choose to subdue hiccups with coke, swallow it while hiccupping and have it gush out your nose. Classy I say. Boys will be lining up outside your door. If done at work, you will be the most popular person there.

5) Convince your half asleep self, that there is room on the other side and turn - off the bed. Then, be too sleepy to get back up, so sleep on the stone floor and crib about aches, cricks and bruises the next morning. Always a crowd pleaser.

6) Walk into a wall. This, especially done when not texting, not on the phone, not talking to anyone else, basically giving the wall your undivided attention, is always guaranteed to cause the most amount of embarrassment. But be aware that this must not be done on purpose.

7) Pick up a sleeping hamster. Make sure that the said hamster is fast asleep, wake it up, then put your hand in the cage to agitate it some more. Then when the hamster is clinging on to the pad of your hand, shake the hand violently so that the puncture wound rips further. Then be puzzled as to why your hamster bit you and why it's bleeding so much. Oh yes, one must not forget to faint and hit your very bony joints hard on the floor.

8) Trip. While walking, make sure you choose the uneven bit of the concrete ground, carry your 14 kilo dog and then tip forward. When falling, avoid injuring the dog by falling on your elbows. This will make sure that the dog escapes unharmed, but will leave you with bloody, bruised elbows. Movies must be made of this techniques. I do not volunteer.

9) In a bus, sit on a seat that has no handles on either side, almost like a cushioned stool nailed to the floor. Then be so focused on your Ipod that you do not notice the bus's movements on the road. When the bus breaks, follow Newton's first Law of Motion and fall on the floor. Then laugh so loud at yourself that your neighbour asks another person if you're mentally retarded. And is serious.

10) Now the last point - When talking to a cow, be sure to look it straight in the eye and smile. This will make the cow chase you and tell all the other cows about you so that they too will chase you upon sight. If you are not fast enough running away, make sure you have padding on your back because you will be butt.

All these methods have been tried and tested. But make sure you understand the repercussions and the ramifications of the above actions.

Note: No animals were harmed in the activities mentioned above.

Things just seem to happen to me.

So, one good thing that's come about from my dog having boys in her life and making me take brisk hour long walks is that I have great legs! Whoop! A lot of people know me as a klutz. It's such a given, that I'm introduced as "This is Romy. She is a klutz." You accept it and move on. It's when you start hanging with new people that this character trait becomes glaringly obvious. I have no spatial judgement. I cannot walk in a straight line and more often than not I will walk into the person walking next to me. Another thing that goes on in my head is me spotting a stone a way ahead. Me telling myself "Oh look. Stone." Me walking further and forgetting where the stone was/is till I trip on it and then go "Oh there it is!"

Another super funny thing happened yesterday. It has happened to cartoons, to Mr. Bean on occasion and apparently to Kate Walsh, Jessica Alba and me. It's the walking into a wall thing. Going smack into a solid, big, cream coloured, opaque brick wall. Walking into glass doors have been done by many, but how many of you walk by the same brick wall for 10 months before walking into it? No one? I figured.

Even the staff at work have noticed this particular trait of mine. The guy at the door asks me to watch my step outside, the inside guy tells me if the door is open or closed, though they are wood and glass doors. There were some pretty potted plants on my floor. After I fell over them a few times, they aren't there anymore. They have been put inside closed doors.

It's like these things happen only to me. Really. Spilt food? Check. Fallen down the stairs? Check. Walked into walls - glass or otherwise? Check. Been chased by cows? Check. Been chased by dogs? Check. Fallen off a horse while climbing on it? Check. Been caught dancing at your desk at work? Check. Singing? Check. Gotten locked in the bathroom? Check. Been stuck up a tree? Check.

Need I go on?