How to explode an egg!

If you follow me on Twitter or know me personally, you know my eggsploding escapades. Well, this is a post teaching one how to do it perfectly, from start to finish, with helpful tips!

First, this method must be done by boiling eggs in a saucepan over the stove. No fancy egg-boiler machine thing will work.

Now, you set the eggs to boil and your timer for 8 minutes. You then leave your kitchen and take said timer with you. Then, figuring you have 8 minutes to kill, you can watch a YouTube video or the start of a TV show before the opening credits... Something.

The timer goes off. You march back into the kitchen and look at the eggs. Now, the water hasn't really decreased, so how boiled can they really be right? So you go back to your video / playing with your dog / reading your book / talking to your friend / whatever it was that you were doing.

Then suddenly, you hear some thudding noise and the smell hits you. You squawk like an inelegant chicken and run into the kitchen, switch off the stove and look in dismay. The saucepan is black and charred, egg pieces are ALL over the kitchen and the smell that causes you to literally rush back to the loo and hurl!

Once you're sure your stomach is emptied, you open all the windows in the house and put on the fans! This is because, in a matter of seconds, the burnt egg smell has taken over your house. You have to use room freshener to mask the smell. Here is a tip. DO NOT use lavender. It makes the smell so bad that you have to take a very long walk! Use freesia and ocean breeze. These work well. I speak from experience. trust me.

Then you put the saucepan under running water to cool it down and then you scrape off the eggs with a plastic spoon, which can be ditched. Once that is done, you pour water into the saucepan and leave it there for a few minutes while you go egg hunting. Which basically is finding the pieces of exploded egg around your kitchen. Then you get back to the saucepan, scrub it like there is no tomorrow and it is done.

Another round of room freshener, some water for you to hydrate yourself after this ordeal and then you swear to yourself, never again!

Then, just like it says on the shampoo bottle - lather, rinse and repeat, you boil, explode and clean.

My dog has a boyfriend.

I was awoken by a whimpering at 5:17am. This whimpering came from the corner of my bed, where this white furry creature stood, asking to come up. I leaned over and yanked at her halter as she jumped up. I turned to my side and immediately fell back asleep. Three minutes later, I was pawed awake. I started to take a deep breath and I managed to inhale a lungful of dog breath before I quickly turned my face away. My dog was sitting opposite me and panting into my face. I knew this was it. This was how it started. The waking me up at ungodly hours to look for her boyfriend. Why the hell don't dogs have cell phones? They can text while I sleep!

I took my dog out at 5:45am and we were out till 6:45am. We saw her boyfriend, where they smelt each other adoringly and I yanked the leash as soon as I was uncomfortable with the areas they were smelling. till the shoulders ONLY! I hate being this person. God, my mum has had it easy. I've never put her through this.. Dating inappropriate men. I need a tattooed, biker boy now. It's only fair that my mum gets to experience what I'm going through.



I'm happy that my baby is happy, but does it have to be that filthy, awful, nippy, barky breed??? A mongrel would be perfectly fine. Even those rats that masquerade as dogs - what are they called? Chihuahuas. Those would be ok also. A pom just doesn't cut it! EEEEWWWWW!!!

In other news, my mum managed to explode eggs in the kitchen, we have lavender tasting cereal and there is never enough ice cream!

Oh Oh Oh!!! Highlight of my week! I got light up candy!!!! :D Going to see Clash of the titans. Hoping it doesn't give me a headache like Avatar did and isnt a waste of my money like avatar was. Yeah I didn't like the movie.

And another note: Someone said that they get annoyed when Asians sit on the train next to her and talk in their language. And another person agreed with her. I feel so sad there are such intolerant people in this world and I am sad to say that I knew them. How is it their business what language people who aren't associated to them talk? I know name calling wont change things, but it's so tempting.