The other day, I put up a status on Facebook about how I wished I weren't as tall as I was. Then, today, my friend Supriya, posted a blog post about being skinny and I was inspired (if you will) to write down this little bit of, um, literature.
It starts off with completely not fitting not the Indian body-shape norm, which to me, after 25 years, is short and fat. Or should I be politically correct and say "curvy"? The comments one gets is completely fascinating. I've always had an issue of how it is okay for people to comment, rudely and crudely, about how skinny I am, but I'm not allowed to say anything about people jowls or tires. Seriously. I get these horrified looks when, on the rare occasion, I snap.
Some of my favorite comments about my size are, "Oh my God, if I blow, you'll fly away!" or if it is windy, I've gotten a "Hold my hand, I don't want you to fly away!". Here is a news flash. You are not funny. You're just testing my self control. And no, I will NOT fly away.
Another popular one is when I was compared to a crane or a "Kokkare" in Kannada, because in the 7th grade, there was one godforsaken story in my Kannada textbook about how a crane has only one leg. Oh so funny, Romy is just like a crane in the story. Her TWO legs is like one "normal" leg. Another fantastic nickname is "Kaakadi" which means Cucumber in some Indian language. And how much fun it is to shout it out in the middle of the road while I walk no? Its even funnier when I shout back "Tarbooz"(Watermelon) and the WHOLE road laughs!
Another one of them is "Oh, one of me is like two of you!", stated in a tone full of fascination, like some big discovery. And the ever so popular questions of "Do you know how thin you are?", especially said when the person lifts my wrist and shakes my hand in front of my face as if to show me, like I'll get some kind of epiphany! Yes, you fool. I am well aware of what I look like and how I'm not obese like you. Another rude question is "How much do you weigh?" And when you answer with a smile, hoping you can just skip this part of the so called conversations, they continue to pursue the conversation with a "I know, you must be only 20 kilos no?" or some other ridiculous number. Sometimes, I just smile and say "Oh, definitely half of what you weigh from the looks of it. How much is that again?" and the conversation goes dead and I can escape.
Then comes the concerned extended family one meets at weddings. "Why are you so thin? Don't you eat at all?" to which my reply (said only once though) is "Because you're so fat. The universe needs balance and all that." Or worse, especially now that I'm in my mid twenties, I've gotten a "If you don't put on weight, you won't get married! How will you have children?", albeit that has not come from my family. That was from a very concerned "adult". I dunno, if Posh Spice can do it, so can I.
And in this country, its not enough that I'm thin. Being tall also just seems to leave people open mouthed and speechless! Good lord! Both thin AND tall? And they look at me very sympathetically. I don't know, apart from the physical accidents that a person can have because one is tall, I have no complaints!
Being so tall gets me some fascinating nicknames like "Coconut Tree" "Giraffe" and "Leaning Tower of Pisa", though that was quite a mouthful, so it just became "Pisa". The standard "Skeleton" and "Barbie" also applied, though I don't see the Barbie thing because she is quite curvy. And I don't/didn't mind that either.
Some of the funny questions are "How are you so tall?" and "Why are you so tall?" Yes, because I can control my height. Like I could have just woken up one morning and said, "Hey, 5'5" is good enough. Now stop growing body!" and just like that, magically I would have stopped!
Another popular thing is for people to say "My God, I'll just put a nail in your head and you'll stop growing!" I don't even have any comebacks for that, it is so ridiculous! Another one is for people to ask me "You've grown taller no?" Yes, at TWENTY-FIVE, I'm still growing. Don't you know, my aim is to hit the 7 feet mark!
Oh and it gives people so much joy to keep pointing out that I'm tall and thin! Really, I had no idea. I just thought I was short, but somehow transported to lilliput land! Seriously guys, I'm aware of this!
Also, it is the best when you're told "Put on more mass" or a friend of mine is told to "Wear padded clothes on stage from next time". Like what does that even mean? I wonder if people know what metabolism is. Ours not only exists, it fast!
And yes, it is my DREAM to be compared to Olive Oyl. I mean, oh golly, I get to have a sailor with an obsession with spinach as the love of my life! Gee, how lucky can I get! Oh oh, or in college, to be told "You can be the wicket for the cricket match!" So funny no? Real stand up comedian you are!
I guess, the only thing is to suck it up, and remember the comments so that I have more to blog about!
Thank you for reading my little rant :D
It starts off with completely not fitting not the Indian body-shape norm, which to me, after 25 years, is short and fat. Or should I be politically correct and say "curvy"? The comments one gets is completely fascinating. I've always had an issue of how it is okay for people to comment, rudely and crudely, about how skinny I am, but I'm not allowed to say anything about people jowls or tires. Seriously. I get these horrified looks when, on the rare occasion, I snap.
Some of my favorite comments about my size are, "Oh my God, if I blow, you'll fly away!" or if it is windy, I've gotten a "Hold my hand, I don't want you to fly away!". Here is a news flash. You are not funny. You're just testing my self control. And no, I will NOT fly away.
Another popular one is when I was compared to a crane or a "Kokkare" in Kannada, because in the 7th grade, there was one godforsaken story in my Kannada textbook about how a crane has only one leg. Oh so funny, Romy is just like a crane in the story. Her TWO legs is like one "normal" leg. Another fantastic nickname is "Kaakadi" which means Cucumber in some Indian language. And how much fun it is to shout it out in the middle of the road while I walk no? Its even funnier when I shout back "Tarbooz"(Watermelon) and the WHOLE road laughs!
Another one of them is "Oh, one of me is like two of you!", stated in a tone full of fascination, like some big discovery. And the ever so popular questions of "Do you know how thin you are?", especially said when the person lifts my wrist and shakes my hand in front of my face as if to show me, like I'll get some kind of epiphany! Yes, you fool. I am well aware of what I look like and how I'm not obese like you. Another rude question is "How much do you weigh?" And when you answer with a smile, hoping you can just skip this part of the so called conversations, they continue to pursue the conversation with a "I know, you must be only 20 kilos no?" or some other ridiculous number. Sometimes, I just smile and say "Oh, definitely half of what you weigh from the looks of it. How much is that again?" and the conversation goes dead and I can escape.
Then comes the concerned extended family one meets at weddings. "Why are you so thin? Don't you eat at all?" to which my reply (said only once though) is "Because you're so fat. The universe needs balance and all that." Or worse, especially now that I'm in my mid twenties, I've gotten a "If you don't put on weight, you won't get married! How will you have children?", albeit that has not come from my family. That was from a very concerned "adult". I dunno, if Posh Spice can do it, so can I.
And in this country, its not enough that I'm thin. Being tall also just seems to leave people open mouthed and speechless! Good lord! Both thin AND tall? And they look at me very sympathetically. I don't know, apart from the physical accidents that a person can have because one is tall, I have no complaints!
Being so tall gets me some fascinating nicknames like "Coconut Tree" "Giraffe" and "Leaning Tower of Pisa", though that was quite a mouthful, so it just became "Pisa". The standard "Skeleton" and "Barbie" also applied, though I don't see the Barbie thing because she is quite curvy. And I don't/didn't mind that either.
Some of the funny questions are "How are you so tall?" and "Why are you so tall?" Yes, because I can control my height. Like I could have just woken up one morning and said, "Hey, 5'5" is good enough. Now stop growing body!" and just like that, magically I would have stopped!
Another popular thing is for people to say "My God, I'll just put a nail in your head and you'll stop growing!" I don't even have any comebacks for that, it is so ridiculous! Another one is for people to ask me "You've grown taller no?" Yes, at TWENTY-FIVE, I'm still growing. Don't you know, my aim is to hit the 7 feet mark!
Oh and it gives people so much joy to keep pointing out that I'm tall and thin! Really, I had no idea. I just thought I was short, but somehow transported to lilliput land! Seriously guys, I'm aware of this!
Also, it is the best when you're told "Put on more mass" or a friend of mine is told to "Wear padded clothes on stage from next time". Like what does that even mean? I wonder if people know what metabolism is. Ours not only exists, it fast!
And yes, it is my DREAM to be compared to Olive Oyl. I mean, oh golly, I get to have a sailor with an obsession with spinach as the love of my life! Gee, how lucky can I get! Oh oh, or in college, to be told "You can be the wicket for the cricket match!" So funny no? Real stand up comedian you are!
I guess, the only thing is to suck it up, and remember the comments so that I have more to blog about!
Thank you for reading my little rant :D
Posts
LOL!!! Watermelon! That had me laughing for 10 whole minutes!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! :)
ReplyDeleteI never imagined anyone would say anything about your height and awesomely skinny body, except "Gosh, I am so jealous" . So this is an eye opener!
Kuch to log kahenge, and all that.