I believed it was untrue as a child. In high school, I scoffed at it. The other's were doing all kinds of things to prevent it, I ignored it. In college, they all envied me. I laughed and thanked my good fortune. I knew it existed, I had seen proof, but never experienced it. I used to pray for it, hoping, that one day, I too would experience it.
Now, after two years of working, in my 20s, I have experienced it. I am in shock. I never, ever thought this would happen to me. It is unsettling and a part of me is moving away from shock and into mourning.
I didn't fit into my clothes this morning. Not because I grew taller (which is what has happened so far), but apparently because I grew wider. I raced to the weighing machine looking at it, bewildered. I have definitely put on weight. It feels odd saying that. I'm not looking for you to scoff at me, but I've never really said that! I've always grown taller, eaten everything (vegetarian) under the sun, and never cut back on anything. I have also never set foot in a gym in all my life, nor have I "exercised"!! Sure, I've run and done some yoga, but that is just for stamina. Never with an agenda to "get in shape".
It was my favourite pair of jeans I ripped this morning as I tried to tug them on. They had pretty pink rhinestones. I also discovered that I don't fit into 4 other pairs of pants, but I really LOVE those jeans!!!! So many awesome things have happened when I was wearing those jeans! I've had them since I was 18!! I've always fit in them!
It's like now, I'm one of 'them'. I have to start watching what I eat, how much I eat and I have to start EXERCISING!!! To "get in shape"!!! I'm mortified, confused, mournful and supremely pissed off all at once!!!! It's not fair for my metabolism to do this! Without warning! If it wanted to break up with me, it could at least give me a few warnings! It didn't have to break up with me through my favourite jeans! Stupid little piece of nonsense. That's it. It's nonsense because this makes no sense to me! :(
Metabolism, please come back! I miss you terribly. Lotsa love, Romy.
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aaaaaw...!, you know how to make me giggle in the morning :) And don't worry girl, from the looks of you, it'll take another 15 pounds at least before you should start thinking about exercising ;) In the mean time, you can just go out shopping more often..!
ReplyDeleteDude...it's hard to accept when you have known nothing else your whole life. But I'm telling you, I seriously still eat what the hell I want, and exercise. It's all about balance. It's not like you're going to balloon!!
ReplyDeleteIt's new, and it should be a good thing! I remember you saying that you hated people saying you're so thin.