When it all becomes too serious

Sometimes, you look back at your life and want to kick yourself for either making those colossally bad decisions or for not seeing stuff coming. You look at yourself in the mirror and ask if you are really that naive or if you're stupid (Then you take the IQ test and get an IQ of 141 which reassures you. A little.).

Today I'm in a stage where being in a said relationship matters, knowing what you're doing in life matters, knowing who you are matters. To me, only the third thing really matters. I don't know who I really am, I change, grow and things that were of earth shaking importance yesterday, is worth nothing today. I think I'm in a position to say that I'm okay with the kind of person I am, the values I have and the life changing decisions I've made so far seem to be ones I can live with, even if some may be mistakes.

A while back, I had my first real crush. Up till now, I've never really wanted to hang out with a boy or been comfortable around one. I've grown up in an all female household, full of very strong female presences, have had various female role models and went to a girls' school and college. Is it any wonder that I'm not particularly comfortable with the male gender? I didn't know what to talk about, what was considered cool and definitely didn't / don't know the art of flirting (At the age of 23, yes.)

It was weird when I became one of the girls I laughed at, waiting for a call or a text, wanting to meet and hang out or something and then analysing everything he ever said or did. Luckily I'm not a patient person, so this lasted all of 2 months. I am done and now all I can think about is that poor boy was subjected to many a discussion with my friends. Some of whom hadn't even met him!! HA!

I've sworn never to do this because I was moody and miserable and definitely not good company. I'm usually fun and have a wide range of interests, but all I ended up talking about was this boy! Like get over it already!

In other news, I'm spending quality time with Gyp cause I won't see her for a whole month soon. I think I'm gonna miss her above all else. If you don't get my relationship with my dog, then all I'm gonna say is that I feel bad for you because you've clearly never been the recipient of unconditional love. So yeah. I'm gonna miss her the most!

This trip is going to be different because I'm only at my aunt's place for 10 days and for the rest of the month I'm on my own! YIKES! I've never holidayed on my own, but I'm looking forward to this trip. It's going to test my independent nature (I've proved that I can't live with another person and I'm okay living alone) and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared. Mostly about how I'm going to lug my beeeeg suitcase around the various airports and between various hostels and houses! I remember the last time I travelled to the States, I had 2 suitcases of 23 kilos each (50lbs) and I had to use everything I had to get it of that baggage runway thingy. NIGHTMARE! And then, when I had to run to the other side to get my other bag, some doofus tried stealing my trolley! I think I'm just gonna be glad that it's only one piece of luggage right?

In other news, I haven't fallen off anything, hit anything or be hit by anything. An achievement, considering that it's been two whole days since I last blogged :P Anyway, my next post will probably be me squealing just before I leave for the airport.

I'm sooooooo looking forward to meeting my family, Kate Walsh and hopefully Paget Brewster! This time next week, I'll be racing through Heathrow Airport to make my connecting flight! WIN!

Oh, oh, my recommendation for this post is a blog I recently discovered. It's a fun read. It's called "I wont make you eggs in the morning" and I had a fun two hours reading it all. Check it out!