Freaked!

You know one day when you just wake up and realise that things aren't the same? Yesterday, I freaked out. I woke up and realised that in a week, I would be 27 years old. TWENTY SEVEN YEARS OLD. I would have been on this planet, leading this life for 27 years. What do I have to show for that? What have I learned? I look at people around me, younger than me, who know who they are, what they're doing, where they're going. I hugged my monkey closer, realising that people 10 years younger than me had written books, founded and sold companies, had record deals, careers and I was staring at my ceiling in the dark, listening to my heart thud loudly.

When I was younger, 27 year olds had their shit figured out. They didn't call it shit because they knew what it freaking was. I don't even know that! My friends my age are either married, getting engaged or even having babies. I know that it's not the be all and end all to get married and pop tiny humans out of you, but they know what their lives are!!! People who have high powered careers, they know what direction their life is going. People my age are singers, actors, painters, lawyers, doctors - they have definition. I have a friend Darren, who did his MBA and is now exploring the world of sound engineering. He has a life path AND a back up option and he is only 23. Sheesh.

People ask me "what do you do?" I say I work at so and so place, but that's it. That is what I do??? What happened to the dreamer that I was? How do I explain what happened to me to the 16 year old me? That in the last ten years, I've basically amounted to no great accomplishments. My name is not carved anywhere, that I'm merely one of the many average sheep, nothing distinguishing me from anyone apart from my name, which I didn't even come up with! I still haven't got it sorted. I don't know what my life is, if I'll have the great, amazing career, if I'll have a zillion kids (read cats and dogs) and chill with them, if I'll travel, if I'll ever find someone to share my life with (read a human). At 27, don't you have to have it all figured out? My mum knew what she was at 27, she was a mother with a career. She knew what she wanted from life.

I don't know if I want a house in the countryside or an apartment in the heart of the city, I don't know if I want to stay in India or move (or with the visa headaches, if I even CAN move), I don't know if I want the career I have now to last me till I retire or if I want to switch, I don't know if I want to continue writing, am I even skilled at this? When people ask me about my skills, I say I can write. Every literate person can write. What does that even mean? What can I write? Can you call writing a talent? Then shouldn't walking be a talent? Maybe next time I can say I can walk when people as me what my skills are! I can't sing, can't dance, can't paint. What can I offer this world? How do I make my mother proud of me? She's been through so much for me, and if she can't say "That's my kid" when I accomplish something, what was the point? I can eat my weight in sugar. That can be my accomplishment. Maybe. I need to figure out something awesome and go do it. Pronto.

It's so weird to think that at 16, I was so much more secure about who I was, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. Granted it was a pipe dream and quite unrealistic, but I still had some direction. Today, I go to work, I come home to my cat, I meet friends sometimes and I hang with the family on the weekends. This is my life. This is what 10 years of pipe dreams have amounted to. It's like I've become content, content with not knowing, living in the present, feeling happy in the moment. I know it could be a lot worse, but I can't help but feel disappointed in myself that I didn't live up to those grand visions I had ten years ago, that my life is based on contentedness and not vision, drive and chasing the unreal.

I guess I've calmed down while writing this, and I know I don't have any regrets, I wouldn't change the decisions I've taken, but sometimes, I do wish I had done something more daring and not been so safe for so long. Coming into my late twenties is scary, because I have this intense feeling that time is running out, the freedom to pick up, leave and go somewhere, the ability to party till 3am and still be fully functional at work the next day, the ability to eat an entire pizza and not feel it settling in on your tummy and thighs, the will to go play frisbee in the park, to randomly buy new clothes, to try new toothpaste, to run after a bus and not look ridiculous, to laugh loudly, to not know which fork is the salad fork, to have a million freak outs and laugh about them later.. My time is running out and I'm not so sure I know what to do or who I am. I still feel young, where I would much rather go bowling with friends and then to a bar and dance like a fool rather than do champagne brunches in fancy hotels. I guess, I need to separate what I think a 27 year old is to who I am right now because I sure as hell don't match the version in my head! Am I being unrealistic? Is it weird that I'm going to be 27 and I have no clue about anything in this world? 

Romy Luck!

A lot of people would think I'm being quite presumptuous actually naming a type of luck after myself, but if you knew me, you'd know that it is perfectly valid. I call it Romy Luck, when you have such ridiculously bad luck that you're just stunned and can only stare. I mean that movie "Just My Luck" has nothing on you!

I'm not talking about the horrible bad luck, but the luck that you have daily, in everyday situations. You know, like the kind of luck that prevents you from walking into a glass door after a meeting, or the kind that doesn't let you fall so hard in a bus while standing that an old lady gets up to give you her seat. That kind of luck. I truly and firmly believe that I do not possess that.

The other day, I was walking home from work and this giant golden retriever came over to say hi and when I rubbed is head, he jumped on me almost giving me a hug. And I thought "Oh this is nice" until I felt something hot and wet on my knee. Yeah. You got it. The dog PEED on me. Of course. I mean, you don't meet friendly dogs that don't pee on you right? Right. Or it's even more hilarious when you're walking to a coffee shop to catch up with friends and you get stung by a bloody giant red wasp. And your finger swells to twice it's size and it's SO PAINFUL! Like how does that happen????

It would also be the 3 minutes that when you take a break and watch a cat video on YouTube that your boss will appear behind you wanting to talk to you. After you make sure that the boss is busy, and slowly watch it, on a minimized screen. Romy luck is when you see a manhole, see that it's covered, confidently walk around it only to stick your leg into a hole next to the manhole. And of course, you will have a party to go to 2 days later, where you will wear a dress, bloody leg be damned.

It struck me yesterday when, while walking to my bus stop on my way to work, I was singing and I looked up to see my landlady walking towards me. It would totally look like I'm talking to myself. I mean all people are happy when they have loonies renting their homes. Totally. I mean, all the other times that I walk perfectly quietly to work, she doesn't show up. The ONE day that I decide to sing, tadaaaaa, she is there. Sigh.

It is also the tiny things, where the one day that you forget to take your coat and scarf, the crank up the AC at work. I mean, do you really have to know what you would look like as a corpse, with pale skin and blue lips and nails? Sheesh. There are some things in life that I would like to be blissfully unaware of! It would also be the time when you declare "I do not trip" only to fall flat on your face.

My Romy Luck came in strong when I went to a club recently. There I was, minding my own business, laughing at my best friend as she made a fool of herself on the dance floor when this guy comes up to me. He looks okay, t-shirt and jeans. I smile politely and attempt to turn away when he points at his empty glass and then points at my beer, indicating for me to give him some! Like are you freaking SERIOUS! Of course, he would ask me, the most unapproachable person there. I'm just stunned and I stare at him and then my friend before we both say "no!" and walk away. Then I spy him looking at all the glasses on the table, checking for alcohol that people may have left behind. EW!!

Some time passes and we are having a laugh at the dude, and then we hit the dance floor. Suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder to see the same weird dude asking me to dance!!! I'm like what? Seriously, I know I may not be amazing or all that, but he is psychotic!!! I have standards. After turning him down, I stick to a friend and just stay the hell away from him. The night ends with him going on stage, snatching the microphone from the dude who's performing his gig and yelling "F*ck You! F*ck You! F*ck You!" into it! Like worse than the Kanye West / Taylor Swift moment!!! He was then thrown out after thankfully.

All the while, you're wondering, WHY would he even talk to me in the first place? He didn't talk to anyone else! Of course I would get hit on, to give him more alcohol, not the other way around.

These are just some tiny instances of having Romy Luck. Like the time when I walked into a tree while texting or the time that my cat decided it would be cool to put my earphones in her water bowl.

PS: Is it normal for cats to have an obsession with water where they put their prized possessions / things they like in water bowls? Like their favourite toys, my socks, my earphones, shoelaces, etc?

It would also be the time when you wander up and down a road that holds Bangalore's biggest clubs/restaurants/lounges in your pajamas looking for an ATM and only realising later when you understand the strange looks that people are giving you. They are wearing their evening best and you are in your polka dotted pink jammies. Or when you forget your keys, travel ALL the way across the city to get them from your mum's place only to realise your friend who is five minutes from your house has keys and could have saved you a two hour trip (one way).

I guess, with Romy Luck, my life won't ever be boring. There hasn't been one day where I've been like oh.. nothing interesting happened today. 

Writers write.

I truly believe that the reason why there is such awful writing on the internet is that a lot of good writers are insecure about their work!!! This fact was brought to light when my friend in university was assigned only the editing of the newsletter because she claimed to have no writing skills. At that time, we were in a hurry, so I took her for her word and she edited. The next time round, she wrote a piece called “The Rise of the Skeletons” which had me in tears of laughter and I wanted to smack myself for not paying attention earlier. It also made me want to rewire her brain because clearly, she has poor judgment. She is one of those hidden, unsuspecting people who suddenly are like “Teri paas Maa hain? Meri paas meri blog hain!”

That was two years ago. It came to light again a few days back, when another friend refused to show me her blog because she believes “it’s horribleee” which is like saying the McDonalds apple pie is crap. My response to that is she was dropped on the head as a child. Sure, is it gourmet cuisine? No. But is it good? Heck yes! I did read her blog (hello Google) and she is laugh-out-loud funny! And that is hard to write!!! Believe me I’ve tried and fallen flat on my face. My nose is crooked. Her writing is so conversational that you feel like she is talking to you and you laugh, only later realizing that you look really weird laughing at your computer screen in a serious office environment.

It’s people like these that make me wonder why some writing is online for the world to see. I would much rather read and laugh, rather than cry at the massacre of the English language or wonder if I can contact the author with some information on mental institutions and psychiatrists.

The concept of insecurity is fascinating, because the people who are truly insecure about their work are usually those who have a bucket load of talent. It’s like sometimes on the road, you see this creature that looks like a stack of Michelin tires wearing clothes that leaves very little to the imagination, not that you would want to imagine that, but the people who would truly look good in those clothes, might as well be wearing gunny bags!

It also makes me wonder what constitutes “good writing” and who judges this? My writing oscillates from writing about heartbreak and exploring love to writing about chips and candy. Literally. Is it “good”? And more importantly, do I care? I guess writing is all about it being relatable and that is subjective. I guess all I can say at this point is that, I enjoyed the writing of my friends and I want to read more.

When I forgot to look!!

You know that time in your life where you just go “what just happened?” Like you go a couple of months without really paying too much attention, and you almost don’t recognize it anymore! In the last two months, I got a new house (as most of you know), I also got two kittens(!!!) with my flatmate Swetha! We’ve named them Cinnamon and Kunai. Now, here is the fun deal. Swetha and I are both doggie people and didn’t know the first thing about kittens. A lot of the stuff we learnt online, like how to get them used to the litter box, what they eat and how much, etc. but there was a lot of stuff the websites didn’t really tell us!

Here is what we learned. The BIGGEST difference from dogs is that cats like to be left alone and not molly coddled. But of course, I’m a molly coddler. I love being mommy and loving a tiny critter to the ends of Earth. It is like my life’s mission. But, I learnt quickly to let them be, give them room and let them explore and trust that they will not fall down the stairs. Cuddle them and suddenly wrinkles on your face is your laaaast worry. You’ll have other lines and give “face reading” a whole new meaning! Another thing I learned the hard way, cats DO NOT like being scratched behind their ears. You do that and they will scratch you in stead! My hands have new lines and my future has been considerable altered I think! It is true. Also, if you get them used to playing with your fingers, they will do so ALL the time. Like even when you’re texting, they will pounce on them. You can’t even scratch yourself without them getting excited! This is after you’ve bought them more toys than you had as a child!

It’s been an adventure so far, and I’m absolutely loving it! The ups and downs make for great dinner table conversation. The horrified expression on my grandmother’s face when I tell her how they climb curtains is priceless. I’m quite assured that I am also a cat person because I love them to bits and pieces and I loveeeee walking in the door to high pitched squeaks which is how they tell me that they are glad I’m home! It really makes my day when they lead me to their food bowl with “feed me human” written on their face. I think I should start a Texts from Cat thing going.

The other big change is my job. I switched jobs and I love this one! It’s custom built for me and is a challenge but I’m super grateful to have really supportive people around! It’s close to home and I’m now balancing my house, my mum’s place, my grans, my work and my friends. I feel quite adult-ish. I still get distracted by lights and colourful things. So not quite all that dignified adult you see. Also, I am NOT plagued by IT issues. Really. I know it’s hard to believe, but the IT helpdesk are not my best friends at work. I do not greet them everyday with “Good morning! Could you please help me with…” Those of you who’ve worked with me, your whaaaaaa expression is valid.

Another change, my friend Maria is now a full on singer! Like she had her first concert, and is composing music and stuff. I get to see her do this entirely cool thing, compose music in the car when we’re (she) driving somewhere! Like where did that even come from??? And all I can sing is “Baby One More Time”! Her concert was insane! I was like yeaaaahhh, that is my friend up there, singing. I’m that cool. I have singer friends. Um, who are you again? :P

My long time friend Kanchan is finally planning on selling her art, which is crazy awesome! She was also in a Kannada movie (Money Shani Honey) which released in theatres!!! I’ve got a Kanchan original in my house! It’s so cool when someone you’ve known since you were nine years old is now a famous actress and is a painter and a whole lot more. It kinda makes you question your life, but then I go, I blog and walk into walls. That just makes me kickass!

Varsha had her Salsa show at the World Dance Congress. I got to see her dance and then made her teach me some basic Salsa steps, which I’ve promptly forgotten. She says she will teach me to dance. I say I will reduce her to tears. One must remember the one year of Bharatnatyam classes I underwent where I had to stop because it took me a year to come in the vicinity of mastering the first certification, that takes 6 months. I can still hear her go “Sit! Sit!” and me try in vain to get the rhythm.

Singer, actress, artist and dancer. All check! I think I need to get into the entertainment industry as a Public Relations officer or a manager. Because clearly, I’ve got the industry covered.

I also got to know Supriyaa  (a friend of  Varsha’s) a little better in the last month. I call her Smiley, because if you saw her smile, you’d call her Smiley also. She would really make a great comedian. She has a LOT of material from her childhood and is a fantastic storyteller. She told me once that I had a fascinating life, but my God, I wholly disagree. This is a girl who when she talks about her childhood, you sit and stare open mouthed because you can’t believe your ears! She once decided to break the Guinness World Record to eat the most amount of glass. She asked her parents how the person on TV did that and then when they replied “with practice”, our girl here decided to chew on a lamp bulb. Only realizing that she couldn’t when her entire mouth started bleeding!!!!!!! The disclaimer “Do not try this at home” was clearly written with her in mind.

Another brilliant escapade was when she decided that like the cartoons, she wanted to become flat, like a pancake, so that she can blow herself up by blowing on her thumb (read Tom and Jerry, Road Runner) so she stood in between two elevator doors, letting them slam into her and stopping when the neighbour brought her mum to rescue her, from herself. Then she cried in the night because she couldn’t blow herself back to size. And she narrated these stories with a huge grin while I looked at her and Googled the number for NIMHANS (a mental hospital). I don’t see how I am fascinating. Really. I get chased by animals. She voluntarily gets squished.

Another crazy awesome new thing is the sudden influx of musicians in my life! I absolutely love it, even though I’m tone deaf. But you know what, I have been inspired to write songs! Like I wrote four lines for a song and even had a tune in my head for it! I never write songs! I’m SO thrilled!!!!

Now, with all this change and newness in my life, there HAVE to be some things that are the same. Now please, can you think of one thing that would be the same in my life? If you’re thinking cows, you got it!!! On Tuesday, it rained heavily, and I was running from the bus stop to my house, only to get chased. By what you ask? A Camel? A dinosaur? Noooooo. By the great giant cow!!! I ran into the nearest house I found only to be thrown back out onto the street by the very nice guard dog growling at me. Sigh. At least there is some normalcy in my life.

Then, I walked home, missing the downpour by two seconds. Literally. But I did come home to a postcard on my doorstep, which made Monday a lot better as I had just learned that I would be spending the next two days in the office that is on the other side of the world (well almost cause LA would have been cool :P).

It’s so weird when you just let your life slide a little and suddenly there is SO much change and you actually need to take some down time and catch up! Anyway, here’s to the next big adventure! Being chased by monkeys. Or something like that! 

The Mystery of the Mysterious Paw Prints!

I walked into my new, pristine, freshly painted house. Looked around, took a deep breath and thought "This is mine!" and jumped up and down in excitement. little did I know that the house was already occupied!!!

I sat down, waiting for the plumber to come, so that he could fix some leaks my flatmate and I had identified. I looked at the wall next to me and let out a little squeak. There were paw prints on the wall. Like actual paw prints where you could see the toes and the pad. What the hell. Now I live on the ground floor. First reaction - it is a RAT! We have giant rats in Bangalore called "Perchadi" in my language, or Bandicoot rat. Not like the cute Australian one. These are GIANT gutter rats.

The other option of my mystery flatmate was a cat. Man, was I hoping it was a cat. Or even a Mongoose. That would have been okay also. Just, no giant rat. I took pictures and sent it to everyone I knew who had cats, or knew anything about them. Everyone responded with "I am not sure" or "I doubt it's a cat". Now, I was psyched. Maybe it was a one time thing. who knows, the house is empty, whatever was running through my head. I purposely left the wind open and went back to my mum's place. The next day when I walked in, there were more paw prints. Shoot. 

I then told my mum about it and she very calmly said, oh they are bandicoot prints. I freaked out. I was moving in that day. At 5pm, I shut ALL the windows in the house and when it was time to go to bed, I shut the kitchen door, went up to my bedroom, shut that door too. I couldn't sleep. I live in an apartment where there is SO much noise coming from everywhere that I couldn't distinguish where the noise was coming from. Gah! At around 3am, I texted my flatmate, who was moving in the next day, and she, being the evil creature that she is, told me "Maybe it is already in the house, hiding in the cupboard under the stairs". I flipped out. I needed to sort this out. So I took a broom, put on all the lights and went downstairs, checked the cupboard and the entire house. It wasn't there. Phew. I have no idea what I would have done if there indeed was a rat in the cupboard. Screamed and then tried to chase it out the main door I guess.

There were no new paw prints after that, and I calmed down. As the weeks went by, one day, I noticed four cats in the apartment compound. I asked the watchman and he said that they live in the building and near by. Mystery solved. It was a cat. It definitely wasn't a rat because with four cats around, then the rat population should be non existent. So yay!

It was fully confirmed this morning, when I came downstairs after I woke up and saw a cat chilling on my divan. It bolted out the window when it saw me. I had forgotten to close one window last night and it had come in. Therefore, I can now proclaim that the mystery of the mysterious paw prints hereby resolved!